(2of2) Video Diary; Oct 15th, 2014 – The Better Path

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130 comments

  1. Mm where it goes the courtingship in Philippine?sad that is gone now..but still exist in some women including me.I I think you have a very high standard henry for a woman.its very rare a woman like me that single an only child thats no laugage in life.being single is not a sin..your rite.!!!I want to ask you.DO YOU LOVE JOAN? Bec you can feel it the first time you meet her..that’s how we feel when I meet Andrew,he feel the same way to.

    1. @BusyBeeCompany this world when it comes to love their is no assurance. I always say that.it takes two to dance tango.I don’t know what’s the problem,why after 13 years the love just disappear. Did you talk and discuss about it.for sure their is a reason.however if the first relationship doesn’t work out..it doesn’t mean you have to stand in one place and live for the past no!! You have to move on bec life is like that,you have to be hurt,to feel pain..and learned to be stronger.,for your self.if you really found your soul mate you know no matter what he or she is,.your going to hunt her where ever she was.sometimes they are not meant for each other only.that’s why the relationship doesn’t last forever.I remember one man told me that his not happy to be his wife.when I ask why?.he said he accidentally get pregnant his wife before.and his the man with honor.when he told me if I only know you 5 years ago you’ll be the one I’m going to merry.I ask why? He said I know the first time I lay my eyes on you.I was mesmerized by your charm.its really exist the love at first time.move on and find another love.

    2. @Rona Pestilos The world sees PH and Thi as the sex capitals of the world, not the love capitals…the women should read google sometimes about the way they are portrayed by the international media.

    3. @Rona Pestilos  Love at first site can exist but think about it, joan has a couple of kids which means she was ‘in love’ at least once, if not twice or thrice, the men disappeared so if it was love, it was fleeting, literally….the saying goes, ‘love is what’s left when the lust dies down’….I was with someone for 13 years and by the end we hated each others guts, but lasted 13 years…how do you explain that one?….and I felt ‘at home’ with her from day one…until ten years in when her ‘problems’ broke that and home became anywhere she wasn’t.

  2. Hey Henry I notice you moved to a more succluded location. Wise decision since you keep breaking these women hearts. I ve seen you men do this. .and I am man like yourself except I understand that women today have
    Terms you will deal with as well. ..you really don’t know how lucky you had it. I’ve seen you men gamble away your chances and end up with something completely worst than when You started this journey. All because you keep having. .Blind Hope..not real hope.
    If you don’t get real about the realities of women, you will be back in America womanless and dealing with the very grim prosects you left for..You would not have this many pretty women in row. to reject if you were back here. Joan was a good pick.
    Very few women here would have done what she has done. .and you would not have been a factor for what she would do with her kids
    That she didn’t have you in the first place.
    Dude…wake up she had a job. It’s your life
    Henry…I have come to the conclusion after watching so many people that truly. …reality is better than fiction. .Henry you make that possible. 🙂

    1. no doubt joan is a fantastic woman.  and it’s not some ugly scene here.  in fact, today i picked her up at work and cooked her a very nice dinner at my place while still getting her home by 8pm.  we still care for each other and we’ve hashed out this ‘kid thing’ to death between us so, now we just appreciate that we can still be good friends.  that’s rare among ex’s and even rarer in the PH.  so i’d say i’m still a pretty lucky guy.

  3. Henry I think you analyse everything too deeply…. Go with the flow! Live each day as a different day! Don’t look to far ahead!! Life is passing fast mate and I’m afraid I must agree with another poster here when she said that you set standards too high when it comes to relationships and ladies.
    Just enjoy your life, have fun, stop thinking and questioning everything and analysing….. You could end up with a lot of regrets later on in life….

  4. Hello Henry
    Originally measure should you not at all been entered in the dating situation with a woman with children when you do not want this. 
    She has not a china-man chance to maintain and develop a partnership with you in other ways than just letting the children stay where they are, out of sight out of mind as they say.
    I think it is a bit hypocritical of you to emphasize your point of view about the children with their mother at the same time you almost had blames her attempts to maintain a partnership SHE wants.
    The event was of course doomed to die from the beginning
    Best regards 
    Bent Nielsen, Denmark

  5. Hi Henry…My 2 cents…..I would have done the same as your decision.  Listening to this blog from you, I, personally, could not in all my moral conscience choose otherwise.

  6. With some of the comments below the video I cannot agree. For me Henry, I full agree your position. That´s not because you have high standards. No, That´s because you have your own values. Respect, that´s not found very often.
    By all these talking about “Love”, there´s an all day living behind it, that have to match in the values of each other.
    About what “Love” means there are different meanings in different cultures.
    I guess that some persons, when they talk about love, meaning not the person. They are in love with an idea of a better life.
    But what a better life means, about this there are very different opinions.
    I think the most Expats leaving their home countries because they are longing for a “system change” in their life and want to simplify it in all stages. I don´t think they want fall back into the same stress-turning-wheel again and again,
    You are smart enough to know that you “own” there a wonderfull life in the Philippines and also smart enough taking care that this wonderull life there not starts to “own” you.
    This thoughts leading to the root point of all.You are a serious and goodhearted guy but never give up own values and your own path even for a relationship. This is the right path .
    Maraming salamat sa videos at ingat ka. 

    1. thanks for the support, man.  i still want what i wanted when i boarded the plane flying in here over 2 years ago.. “a simple, happy life”.  in all other areas, life is beyond great.  it’s fantastic.  the short-term interludes, those are fun for a while.  it’s only the long-term companion that has been something of a challenge.  partly because of all the dynamics in play here.  but i still believe there is someone wanting what i want.. wondering where the heck i am.

  7. I think you made the right choice, given your feelings and cultural orientation.  But purely logically, based on what you’ve said, you shouldn’t have a serious relationship (anything more than two dates, apparently, over there) with any woman who has or wants children.  You don’t want them at home and you don’t want them living elsewhere.  That’s going to severely limit who  you can date steadily: 14 year olds (hard to hold a conversation with) or promiscuous 50 year old housekeepers.

    Seriously,  I think mine and others suggestion of an ‘arrangement’ for a housekeeper/mistress is your best bet.  That and develop your hobbies, actvities, and travel.

    Re: Joan.  She moved too fast for you.  There is no way you should have had 5 hour ‘what’s in our future’ conversations with her after less than two weeks.

    1. “That’s going to severely limit who  you can date steadily: 14 year olds (hard to hold a conversation with) or promiscuous 50 year old housekeepers.”

      I understand what you mean, but just to be clear: 14 years old are children. Do not date underage people, it is both immoral and illegal.  

    2.   I agree on your choice also Henry . And the Housekeeper thing could be a good thing for you at this stage . But I wouldn’t count out middle age lady’s there , many middle age lady’s would most likely have  had children but they would be leaving home or left home . You would not have the issues that you just got away from . I know many middle age lady’s in Dumaguete that are educated and hold there own jobs { very independent)  . You will find them running in event’s and doing charity projects in the city and the university activity’s , church ect .. And they look at least ten years younger than there age unlike most of us western men .And you would increase your chance’s of growing old with a partner that relate’s to you on the same level . Don’t be that 70 year old guy at McDonalds that barks at everyone in the morning because his 21 year old wife is winking at every younger foreigner that walks in .

  8. Henry, the hat you had on at the eat out, is not *Chick Magnet* wear. I think your upset when you saw your *LADY* now *X-Lady*, laughing as you turned quickly. 
    I think you had the best of the ladies with your now X-lady. Yes, there are dog collar types on the boardwalk, but would you take them out of the rain just for a jump, no I do not think so.

  9. Kuya Henry,
    Personally, I think you made the right decision…. You’re in the Philippines Islands…. No shortage of Pinays here (should be the same way with Power so they aren’t anymore darn blackouts).  If kids are not on your checklist, then it aint. Don’t force it!  So kudos for sticking to what you want…. Id would definitely have taken the same path as you did. Youre a wise man….. Youll find your Pinay soon when you least expect it… Usually, that’s how it happens..

    PS
    Just becareful as you go with all the future women that don’t workout… Remember the movie ” Fatal Attraction”? There can be some psycho Pinays out there that wont be able to handle rejection.

    1. @TokTok Cali yah.. i’m already drifting back into my night-creature sleep schedule (i tried to be a day-walker for her) and gonna now just take it easy on the romance front.  casual and without expectations will be the new rule of the day until the right One crosses my path.  🙂

  10. gnarly…..is the word….whether in the west or here. That’s what happened to me….gnarly situation….morals, expectation, exclusivity, one on one relationship, financial issues, next thing you know, I was 45 years old then, never been married, no children, still young enough to rock but too old to roll (over)….So I met this woman, half my age, single, pretty, but young enough to be called my daughter  and we had a relationship, had a child and got married within a year. 9 years later, here we are…..at 55 years old (she is now 30 years old, Im 25 years older than her.). Did I miss the boat? Made a wrong choice? Who knows. All I know is, it was getting too late and I just didn’t think I had any more time to be picky especially if I already found what I was looking tfor. I know if you had a woman with emotional problems like from past relationships or previous boyfriends / husbands with unwanted emotional baggage and children from who knows who? But all you guys had were ex-wives and grown children. I don’t want to wind up with a woman with children not my own since I was never married and given a chance to have my own children so why would I go there? So here I am 9 years after and I can say it’s a long struggle upwards but I did not regret my decision. Why? I found the key to my own happiness.

    1. @Crunch Hardtack

      Gnarly meaning difficult life. At odds and ends with my situation. Went through bad and nasty moments of my life, it’s a long story and long explanation so I’d rather not go there. It’s starting to change now and my situation is getting better. Im doing good because I want to do things right. The more I lean towards the right (as in right and wrong and not right or left), situation changes for me in my favour. If you follow the law or instructions, you can’t be wrong or shouldn’t be wrong. If you did not follow the law for example Warning labels. Do Not Drink. Contents is poison. Then you drank it, then you go to the emergency ward and then you die from ingesting poison. That’s wrong and you lose your life. Right? Just the rule I try to follow in life in whatever I do.

    2. @jim nichols Thanks Jim. I don’t ask for the whole moon and stars which is why I’m easier to please. Or better said “I used to be difficult but I’ve learned to adjust my wants to my needs” …Solution?  “Peace of mind”

  11. I guess you are one of those guys that does not care what other people think of you.  That’s ok, just don’t expect people to respect you for what you do, or that would be narcissistic.  Our search for happiness should never be at the expense of  others’ happiness.  Someone always gets hurt if you do that, especially if you allow things to get intimate.  There is a right and wrong to our choices, whether from the US or Europe, or anywhere.  I respect your right to have your own dating/relationship paradigm, but in the end, it’s you alone that must live with the consequences.  That probably means you will have to move to another city or province once a year, to stay ahead of your reputation.  I hate to sound critical Henry, but when you open up your personal life via YouTube, it goes with the territory.  I still hope you find someone there that is ‘right’ for you, but more and more it seems that person might just be YOU.

    1. @jim nichols
      Hey Jim I’m sorry if my comments sounded too harsh, I just get confused watching Henry’s videos.  I’ve been living part time in the Philippines since 2008, so I have experienced a lot in the culture.  I’ve become very sensitive about these single moms there, because they seem so vulnerable to me.  I do worry that one day Henry will run into a dangerous situation with a brother or father of that single mom.  I’ve seen it happen.  I know Henry is trying to find that one woman that fits his criteria, and I’m 100% supportive of that happening, but it’s hard for me to watch a string of broken hearts and crushed hopes, when all of us viewers saw it coming.  You are right, Henry lays out his life in a way that few expats are willing to do, and it’s my fault to reply to all that drama.  I will keep hoping everything works out for him.

    2. @Idahovandal4ever you ask why did i even start the relationship in the first place.  that is so off base, where to start?  to begin with, getting to know someone takes time.  sorry if i invested more than 30 seconds when meeting someone.  second of all, if you’d been paying attention at all you’d know that what i’m looking for is very difficult to find.  therefore, at the suggestion of many people here i may add, i’ve been trying to be open-minded to other possibilities.  but i guess that’s just a bit too reckless for your holy ground.  third, if you’d taken the time to see my other videos (search ‘advice to filipinas’) you’d know that exploiting good women is hardly what i am about.  in fact i go out of my way to let them know how to deal with such men.  but no, you need come off half-cocked and lay it on me that i have no business having an open mind about who i BEGIN a relationship with?  talk about being the bull in the china shop.  that is either entirely clueless or purposely you goal from the beginning.  either way, you missed it all entirely.

    3. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines
      Sorry if I offended you Henry.  The only point I wanted to make is why did you even begin that relationship in the first place, when you know inside yourself that you don’t want to support her and her children as a package?  I only said that because I view the single mothers over there as the most vulnerable of all.  You may think you can take the moral high ground by breaking up with her now rather than later, but in truth you should not have given her false hopes from the beginning.  It’s ok with me if you want a companion that is not a wife.  Personally, I think that is an unrealistic expectation in a culture such as the Philippines.  I apologize if I offended you.

    4. @Idahovandal4ever you wrote, “Our search for happiness should never be at the expense of  others’ happiness.”  maybe you missed it along the way but, if anything i am bending over backwards to avoid the easy path of using other people for my ‘happiness’.  i’m  weighing in the lives of her children, her own future pain should i break up with her down the road, my own desire to find a simple answer to my desire for a companion.. and yet somehow all you see is abuse of others to find my happiness?  if you had an accurate point to make that would be a different matter.  sounds more to me like you have some other issue at work to make this sort of stretch.

  12. Awww,I was hoping that would work out for you and Joan,but you have to be happy henry or it just won’t work,I hope Joan will be ok it most be hard on her,thanks for the update I always look forward to you videos,take care my friend 🙂

    1. @Crunch Hardtack as i told joan, “i don’t believe in ‘love at first sight’.  but i do
      believe it only takes about ten seconds or less to know if you’re
      ‘willing to love’ a person.”  i still care for joan greatly and we’re
      still spending time together on a different understanding.  but if i had
      felt at first no attraction or willingness to love, there never would
      have been a first date.

  13. I love these night time videos what a great ambiance. I was lost in it over that being spoken. :-/ Sorry. More videos like this please. 🙂 I am getting this camera next month.

  14. Henry, your life is turning into a soap opera…. Who needs TV when we have “The Henry Show”. Keep up the good productions. Also, this video had great front light and background for a night shoot.

  15. Sorry Henry, you seem to be losing the plot. Just enjoy yourself sleeping your way round the Philippines, with no great harm caused to your temporary partners, You certainly don’t seem to be in the right mental place regarding looking for a permanent wife, judging by the upset you caused your latest conquest, and your muddled thinking right from when you took up with a woman you were never going to have an long relationship with.  Aside from that Henry, a great insight into what an expat has to contend with in the Philippines and thanks for the continuing videos.

  16. Hi Henry,

    I am not sure what the deal with instant commitment is all about in the Philippines. One word to describe the phenomena might be “Desperation”. Since it is not exclusively related to relations with foreign men, it is a cultural thing. Why it developed and why it continues I do not know.

    Perhaps historically it was viewed as a necessity. You know, prime young woman, better grab her while she’s hot and start a family right away. Because infant mortality was high and birth control was not available this was the way things happened. And papa was probably concerned that sweet young thing might slip out at night and spend some time exploring on her own. There is still a strong push to get things started fast, even when the parties involved are no longer teenagers.

    I can say that the “instant” part actually suits me. Last century when I was a young man I met my future wife. We spent an intense period of two weeks together when I asked her to marry me. She said yes. We were married two months later. And stayed that way for 13 years. So those kind of things can actually work.

    Now many years later I find that I am a bit more circumspect. While I am still willing to go to “instant exclusive” almost right away, I, like you, do not go for the instant marriage. I like the instant exclusive because I think there is no point in spending months on once a week dates trying to find out if the relationship should move to the next level.

    Why not just move to that level and find out in the first week or two months what might otherwise take a year or more. But then again I am no youngster and I do not have a lot of time left to burn. By the time you reach my age Henry I will most likely be star stuff again.

    Take care and keep up the hunt. It is after all October and you will need a local “elf” to help you decorate your tree.
    Fred

    1. @Over The Rainbow – Philippines i totally agree with you.  not sure why so many people struggle with this approach of; (quote) “While I am still willing to go to “instant exclusive” almost right away, I, like you, do not go for the instant marriage.”  makes total sense to me.  reasonable, fair, prudent as a course of action.  maybe movies and “just marry her!” without thought rules the day more than people want to admit. 

  17. good day, Henry, in our culture, if you date several women at the same time, you will be considered as a “playboy” or “chick boy”. it doesn’t sit well with the family. some guys get a beating just for doing that. and also, next time if you meet a lady, and if she already have kids, don’t bother to go into a relationship, it will not work because it’s clear that you don’t want kids in the relationship. what i mean is, it might send a wrong signal or a misunderstanding to her family or male friends and things might go bad. careful.

  18. Henry got to give you credit. There is no way that a relationship with Joan would have worked without her children. It appears obvious that she was very interested in you to indicate she would be willing to leave her kids with relatives to maintain a relationship with you, but how long would that have lasted. Hard to say. Anyway I admire the fact that you were strong enough to recognize what would come with this relationship and to cut it short before emotions and feelings could or might be hurt.

    1. @Angelo Tosi thanks.  it seems most people overlook the pain she’d go through if i had just coasted along willy-nilly and left her after 6 months over something i knew was a deal-breaker the first 2 weeks.

  19. Oh thank goodness. I sounded like you had gotten sucked in. Question. When you are just getting to know someone what’s with all the heavy conversation? Isn’t better to look at behavior, ease into heavy subjects as the “relationship” progresses? Isn’t that like going all in at the poker table on the very first hand without looking at all your cards?

    1. @Rick Wieland it’s called basic, adult communication.  if a relationship is nothing more than an extended one-night stand.. then there’s no need to talk about the future.  but if two people are serious about staying together, looking at what could be a deal-breaker is the smart thing to do.

  20. I’m not saying don’t communicate. I’m saying slow it all down. You were talking about marathon discussions about this. That’s too heavy for the first 12 days. It’s cool to feel all connected and everything. I’m suggesting you slow it down a bit, you went from “she’s a great gal and we are in relationship” to “I’m staring to consider staying single for life.” Both are extremes. Life operates in the middle. When I hear someone say they weren’t affected then a few seconds later talk about pulling out of thoughts of marriage is says you’re hurt, disillusioned and affected. That’s called communicated with the self so you aren’t driven by the unowned self. Just sayin’.

    1. @Rick Wieland now that we’ve had our official ‘breakup’, we do still hang out as friends every so often, and keep in touch via text.  we’re on good terms as friends.  even though she knows i have almost zero chance of changing my mind, the pressure is ‘off’ and we still have a good friendship.

    1. @pmags1331 in california, i waited all year for August to enjoy the perfectly warm evenings.  here in the PH, unless it’s raining.. it is beautifully warm evenings all year around.  i love this place.   🙂

  21. Henry just one last comment. You are absolutely right. If you continued this relationship, it would make it much more difficult to end it down the road. Drama in our lives is not a good thing. Take care and keep posting your blogs.

    1. @Angelo Tosi thanks.  and amazingly, she and i still get along great even though we’ve redefined ourselves from ‘relationship’ to ‘friendship’.  we still hang out on her day off sometimes or catch a movie.  no hard feelings.  but now she knows i am not moving towards commitment and she is free to find the right guy on her own time.

    1. @SqueezeMy Zits for any guy who doesn’t want kids, single-moms is not the way to go.  however, for a guy not wanting to deal with diapers and skip right into a family (i know several guys like this).. for them single mom filipina is the perfect solution.  🙂

  22. Hi Henry,

    I was sitting here thinking this morning and a thought came to me.

    Considering your own Hispanic background and the fact that you were married to a Mexican woman and her culture for awhile I find it surprising that you came here to the Philippines.

    The reason I find it surprising is that given your background and your requirements for a life partner the Philippines seems a strange choice. The Philippines has veneer of Hispanic culture overlaying the basic Asian culture. All of that points to, find partner, latch on as soon as possible, make babies. OK that is a bit simplistic but I think you get the drift.

    As an aside.
    I lived for 29 years in SoCal. And I know there are a lot of similarities between the Mexican/Mexican American culture and the Philippines. Many times there are found young women, often teenagers with babies or pregnant by boyfriends. Aptly enough they too often disappear. And she had sex with him because “He said he loved me” and she is pregnant because birth control is bad and he doesn’t like to wear a raincoat. So she out of “desperation” did the horizontal tango. Her thinking being that he must love me, he wants to have sex with me. 

    This is a whole subject in itself. What women think about during sex vs. what men think about during sex. Lots of funny stuff about this subject floating around the net. Mainly centered around she having visions of the wonderful life they are going to have together while he is wondering will she ever “get off” so he can have a beer and go out later to meet his buddies.

    All of these things do not really point to this place as good hunting grounds for the type of game you want to bag, to use a silly simile. Yes there are examples of what you seek. As you said you know of them personally. I am surrounded by examples of the unicorn I seek but so far, after three years of looking, no success. Maybe it is time to try a new place. 

    Take care and keep your eyes wide shut,
    Fred

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Hi Henry, mea culpa. You are right. My steel trap brain has become with age sometimes more like a steel sieve. I forgot your whole original reason for coming here.

      I actually came on my boat to visit friends in Cebu. I was planning to leave within months of my original expected arrival date. But other problems before I got here put me here later than expected. So I hung around for a year, then another year, then another year. Now In the beginning of my fourth year. To say the least it has been interesting.
      Take care,
      Fred

    2. Actually the hunting is more fun than the intended kill. He’s in the right place sincere there’s no children produced from the relationship it’s just ongoing adventure.

    3. @Over The Rainbow – Philippines my original motivation to go to the philippines was not to ‘find’ a relationship at all.  i was already involved with a filipina i had met in california for 2 years and i finally made the move so i could be near her home in cebu.  (she commuted back and forth to see me in calif.)  after that relationship didn’t work out, only then did i begin to search for a relationship here in the PH.  i enjoy my life here so even though it’s been tough sledding finding what i want, what i do know is that i intend to live in the PH rather than the US.

  23. I disagree with the assumption that the western or American custom is to date several women simultaneously. While it is true that some people choose to do so I do not believe it to be “The Norm” . Most everyone I have ever met has usually dated one person at a time. At least after thier teenage yeats anyway.I believe that to be the most accepted rule and multiple dating at once to be usually done by someone who is only looking for sex. That isn’t really dating at all its just chasing you know what…. big difference. If you respect someone when you date them you wait to see if there is any chemistry and depending on the mutual interest and respect either there is more dating that person or there isn’t. If you are chasing other women during this period or vice versa of course there will be nothing else…. no trust or respect exhibited to each other. Many Americans still have good old fashioned morals.

  24. Mate I think you made the right choice..Any woman who dumps her kids with relatives forever doesn’t have both oars in the water. Sorry to be blunt but why bother having kids if you never intend sharing life with them.

  25. Henry, if you wanted the laid back, tropical waves, cool breeze but hot and humid like phils,   its in FLORIDA,  but of course at a cost in many ways, and you know what i mean, ,   although there are some cheaper places up north or mid state of florida against the water east or west,  , but then again you would not be exposed to the type of women that would acknowledge us as potential suitors for a future, unless you got money,  hahaha,  then they all might want you ,,,,  im still single so its not easy,  
    Another thing, people dont understand the western ways of dating,  i see it from what they write  to you, ,  We in the (USA) date multiple people , not on the same day date, UNDERSTAND everyone,,  but date different people on different days,  , doesnt mean you are always hitting home runs hehe,,,,   Your right, dating in phils is nutty,,  i mean its nutty on the internet,  you are their  bf and she your gf after talking to them for like 2 to 5 days,, i dont get it,,,,,,,,,,and if you say NO<,,,,, they kick you to the curb ,,,,, they think your a player , etc,,  so nutty over in phils !!!!!

    1. I remember when I was a teenager and went to Greece, started talking to a lass who worked at the local t shirt store, the third time I talked to her she had some cousins there and they wanted to take me out for a ride cos I had a scooter the same as them, we went to her uncles bar and sat there watching bad English movies with greek subtitles, the next time I went to the local night club she was there and so were two of her cousins, I sat there opposite her and we chatted…it wasn’t till my mother who was fluent in greek told me they were ‘checking me out’ as a suiter for their cousin did I have to explain to her I was on holiday and a friendly lad, not someone looking for a wife…culture can be so damn weird, you think you have it down and the it does a 90 degree and kicks you in the ass…lol

    2. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Being an English ex pat in the U.S I can say when I talked to one American she was talking about dating several guys before she settled on who she wanted and I was shocked, but dating in America is like hanging out, no heavy petting etc, she just meant hanging out, and in that instance yes in England they do that, girls can go to the movies with a lad and it doesn’t mean they are exclusive, it means they are on a date and if it doesn’t work out then so be it, if he finds out shes been on a date with other guys he hopes she likes him more and isn’t running them side by side like finding the fittest horse but that’s his problem, talking to several people at the same time online is pretty much the british equivalent of the American system of dating…none of them are ‘the one’ till or unless you and they choose it to be…then its committing time and saying bye bye to the other …. and people, stop giving henry a hard time, it really is cultural and brits don’t understand some American ways the same as americans don’t understand some british ways…that’s the reason for the saying “America and Britain are a culture divided by a common language…hell, hes trying to work an Filipino Culture into American Acceptability … it’s never as easy as it first appears, both sides have to give and as its their country guess who has to give more???

    3. @BenFern kay thanks, Ben.  i don’t know why the big hubbub about dating several people.. you’d think i had said something like, “everyone in the usa has 3somes and 4somes all week long”.   🙂

  26. Henry, no matter what you do you are going to have critics.  That comes with the territory when you open your life up to everybody like you have.  My advice to you is to follow what makes you happy and don’t worry about what others criticize you about.  I’ve watched most of your videos and you strike me as a responsible person and not out to hurt others if it can be avoided.  Your perfect woman is out there somewhere and I have no doubt you will find her, just don’t settle for a relationship that will cause you unhappiness in the long run, not only will you be unhappy but that will affect her as well.  

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines just wanted to tell you finally hit home as an adult putting myself out there I received the same reaction as you. Year’s ago when I use to run around the Disco club circuit with a charismatic buddy he use to relate to the potential date’s as a third person so once I asked why you’re doing that instead of whom you’re truly are… His reply was when they attacking their not attacking me…

    2. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines I’m a happily married Guy but it interests me, I’m not married to a PH lass, a born and raised American lass but I’m all for learning about other cultures, after all I did it with my wife, American and English seems close but so many cant make the jump, cultural differences can be a mile wide in places and touching in others….Keep at it, its not like your living in purgatory while you wait and look about…Enjoy the place and the people which you seem to have down to an art…it took me a good 5 years to learn America and its people and not be so ‘Defensive’ about the differences.

    3. @Dave McKim thanks for the support, dave.   i’m willing to somewhat ‘be the target’ since that comes with what i do here.  and what i do is share my life (to a point) for the sake of discussion on a topic that comes up in the PH.  other guys do want to know what REALLY happens in dating.  not just the topical stuff, but what happens as we as human beings interact in a foreign country.  it’s a shame that some people only see a chance to criticize rather than contribute something to the discussion.  i don’t expect everyone to agree with me and i post those who oppose me for the sake of discussion.  but i’ve had to drop many comments due to the outright hatred, racism and prejudice that came out of them with no valid point to make.  as for the rest of us, i’m hoping that even through my own mistakes others might know “what not to do”.  either way, if it is of help to others, then it’s worth it.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines I should have premised my comment first as not dating a Filipina. Make sure at the beginning when you meet them, tell them as friends. Generally friendship is developed through school, from acquaintances, activities. Be sure you make friends with the guys too and I tell you that making friends in the Philippines is difficult when they smell an American – like you. Just enjoy your time and I love your videos and explanations.  I don’t think you speak Tagalog, but you do look and can blend with the natives. What gives you away is your American Twang. Just be careful because you are $$$$$$ base on their eyes. While I say this, the Filipinos are very hospitable people, but you need to be able to gauge them like any people in any parts of the world. Trust must be earned. By the way, what camera are you using? It’s impressive. Is it the GoPro? Also don’t sleep with the girl if you don’t intend to marry them. Think from your heart and when you do find that right girl, you’ll find you not only married her, but her family as well. And whatever assets you have belongs to her and her family. As my history; I left manila age 11 with my parents and siblings who immigrated to the Washington DC area. Been here ever since and my wife is Irish. Been to the Philippines and yes its fun there, but I am heartbroken by the poverty that you see each and every day. Whether in the city or rural communities. The Filipinos have a hard life and I cannot even envision what my life would be had my parents not immigrated to the U.S. It’s getting better in the Philippines, for sure, but the minimum standard of living does not exist. I look at Singapore and while it is such a boring country, it is a country that did the right thing. What I love about the Filipino people is their love for life; but rest assure they’re not stupid. Keep posting and more importantly be careful.

    2. @Noel Montesa hehe  🙂  i’m chuckling as i remember when i rolled into dumaguete only 5 months ago.  i didn’t know a soul when i arrived.  within a week i knew 4 filipinas and “tried” to be friends with them all, but not sleeping with any.  i needed some time to see how each one was before committing my time to just one.  as soon as they found out i had other female friends, two bailed on me right away.. called me a cheater/playboy/chicksboy.  again.. i hadn’t slept with any of them at that point.  i finally narrowed it down to April and devoted several months to her.  but point is.. no matter what name we give it, filipinas do not want to be in competition with other girls.  they’d rather quit and leave.

  27. My opinion.your making this way too complicated…first of all..find a single girl with NO kids…your NOT in America ..your in Philippines…. For all you guys in your 50’s and 60’s you can get or meet a young Lady here in Philippines  unlike if your in America    …RED FLAG whenn she told you she don’t want her kids to live with you guys….thats not normal behavior sounds like she really fears her ex..Henry you don’t need those headackes your in Philippines your a foriegner here you can get a nice single girl…i got married here in Philippines..was married for 16 years..and was here in Philippines 3 years ago

  28. Casual dating can be awesome. Being exclusive with someone sometimes can be a bit stressful. And a guy with young kids is a no-no for me even if he is separated. That’s just my point of view, sorry if i seem selfish.Life is short, make the most of it..enjoy

    1. will enjoy im going home to the Philippines to go to college next year and  was born Bohol but im going to the north part to study in Luzon where I have family there

    2. @2010miamidolphins as i look back in retrospect.. i’ve spent the last 13 months actively
      looking for a solid, reliable mate.  at first i only dated women without
      kids and that was highly problematic just finding them, let alone one
      who didn’t want kids in the future.  after much advice i then dated
      several women with kids (willing to be open-minded about my
      parameters).. but have found consistently i was right about what i
      desired the first time.. a woman and life without kids involved.  now
      that i’ve come around full-circle, my plan is to take a big step back
      from seeking a mate, for now.  just enjoy being single.  enjoy younger
      women who are not looking for commitment and do a bit more traveling at
      my own pace.  perhaps in the midst of all this i will stumble upon the
      right woman without kids.  and.. no doubt i will get criticism for that choice as well.  ha!  🙂

  29. Well being open is a good thing, it doesn’t mean to accept anything, just willing to look at it, ive taken two women on with kids before I met them and spent most of my life raising other peoples kids but I would never take on someone who was willing to leave their kids for me, which essentially this is…Some things are easier, like older kids, as in nigh on adults, but I understand why you want to avoid it, when you’ve done it before you are just tired out and want something for you, I have told my wife if I hadn’t met her id never have taken on another family…its like winning the opposite lottery, you get all the downfalls and none of the benefits of being a parent….maybe its us is more the problem, we look at it from a different culture, hell I had to learn cos I’m English in America…but I raised a kid in England and then Two in America…Like you say, its not like you have a timer and need to find a soul mate by the end of the year, you are the master of your own soul and don’t have to accept any situation you don’t need to…I didn’t and it worked out, now my second kids are grown, out of the house and its just the two of us…it is amazing how many girls it seems there are either desperate for kids or marrying a ‘farange’ and yet seem to have a lot of Pilipino kids, so they were ‘duped’ into pregnancy from one of the locals before being old enough to know better even though it seems so many leave for the city you’d think they’d know that sex equals pregnancy and a lifetime of costs and having to semi desert their kid/s to earn a living .

    1. @Tino Tino the way i see it.. that ship sailed for me a long time ago.  of course any woman who knows my videos will find out.. i’m not a virgin, i have dated other women.  (gasp)  but here’s what i’ve also observed in dating here.  how many women a man has dated in the past.. THAT a filipina can give a foreigner a complete pass on.. IF he is not seeing anyone at that moment.  i know, been there several times.  i’ve even listed off women i ‘had’ dated previously but.. being Single at the time of meeting a new filipina.. it hasn’t been a hindrance.  now.. the guys who are still hitting it with every girl in town, yah.. they’re getting nowhere with the girls who run those crowds.  but who wants to get serious with a bar-girl anyway?  if/when the time comes i want to begin dating for a relationship again.. i’ll take a self-imposed sabbatical, cut my ties with any existing girls and, believe me.. the PH is a place of 2nd chances.

    2. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Well, they’ll stone ya when you’re trying to be so good
      They’ll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
      They’ll stone ya and then they’ll say, “good luck”
      Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone
      Everybody must get stone.

      Bob Dylan

    3. @BusyBeeCompany as i look back in retrospect.. i’ve spent the last 13 months actively looking for a solid, reliable mate.  at first i only dated women without kids and that was highly problematic just finding them, let alone one who didn’t want kids in the future.  after much advice i then dated several women with kids (willing to be open-minded about my parameters).. but have found consistently i was right about what i desired the first time.. a woman and life without kids involved.  now that i’ve come around full-circle, my plan is to take a big step back from seeking a mate, for now.  just enjoy being single.  enjoy younger women who are not looking for commitment and do a bit more traveling at my own pace.  perhaps in the midst of all this i will stumble upon the right woman without kids.

  30. Quality Filipinas are  matured in thinking when it comes to daiting/relationships. You got a lot of things to learn about Filipina women. Do not rely on movies portraying Asian women as easy to get. Just stay to be a single to make easier for you or go with the flow with out compromise. To persue true love or genuine feeling from a woman, you need to be like water in a stream without bounderies.

  31. Certain classes of Filipina women view this “TRY OUT APPROACH–LIVING IN TOGETHER, & at the same time a SEX PARTNER” as having no respect to a woman. We view this as a MAN TREATING A WOMAN EXTREMELY CHEAP & NO RESPECT.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Here’s a simple question. What do you think you have that would make a filipina wants to be with you? like you? love you? 

    2. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Here are some common situations why certain filipinas would agree to “A MAN’S OFFER TO TRY HER OUT AND BE HIS SEX DOLL without COMMITMENT OF MARRYING HER”: (1) a filipina is a widow and doesn’t want to lose her pension benefits from her late husband, especially if it’s a huge amount of benefit–she is only looking for a companion; (2) a filipina will USE YOU AS A SPRINGBOARD, be contented of having a man to provide her meals and shelter while waiting for the best guy to come along–IN THE PHILIPPINES, WHILE A PERSON IS NOT MARRIED, SHE/HE IS CONSIDERED LEGALLY FREE; (3) a filipina has a strong anticipation, or high expectation that you are really going to marry her, after having sex with her–HIGHLY EDUCATED FILIPINAS DON’T TRUST THIS; (4) a filipina have other hidden personal motives, LIKE SETTING YOU UP. If you believe that the majority of filipinas have zero problem with “BEING TRIED-OUT”, I would say DON’T TRUST WHAT YOU HEAR & WHAT YOU SEE IN FRONT OF YOU. I deal with multinational clients in our business that is why I know the different stories & actual situations of different filipinas, who are married to foreigners. If you are a foreigner and you ask a filipina why they want to have an American bf/husband, or European, etc., they’d tell you the answers that you want to hear. UNFORTUNATELY, THEY WILL NOT TELL YOU THAT THEY WANT TO FAST TRACK THEMSELVES ECONOMICALLY, AND HAVING A FOREIGN HUSBAND IS THE QUICKEST WAY TO ACHIEVE IT. Now, if a fellow filipina asks them why they pick to have a foreign bf/husband, they will be willing to tell the truth because they know that all LOCAL FILIPINOS/FILIPINAS understand the situation….You are in a poor country, and the truth is these group of filipinas don’t come to you because of your look, age, etc. They are mostly willing to spend time with you because they are interviewing you–aside from getting free meals–to see if you are the type of foreigner who can get them out of their miserable situation…I hope you don’t take this as some type of attack or negative criticism. I am just trying to share some information I have, based on different actual situations that I personally encounter. We deal with multinationals in our business, so we want foreign nationals to live safely in our country; one simple way of not getting into trouble is being careful how you treat filipina women. I hope you’ll find your real happiness here in the Phil…Be well!

    3. @Cebu Tours i’m sure there are ‘some’ people who view it that way.  but reality is that plenty, in fact i would say a majority, of filipinas have zero problem with living together first before marriage.  the majority of expats i know who have been married 3 years or more have lived together with their ‘then’ g/f anywhere from a year to 5 years before actually getting married.  it’s not about debasing down to a ‘sex partner’ the way you put it.  that’s a very prudish and limited mindscope.  people do fall in love and decide to live together before making a commitment which is very hard to undo here in the PH.  so they want to know what and who they are committing to.

  32. You are very honest and upfront about your dating life and plans for your life.  It is very rare and surprising to see.  
    I suggest to enjoy being single and having a few special female friends.  It is not such a bad thing, when done with integrity – as I know you can do.  You are a seeker for real love, I can tell – but sometimes the journey is more important than the  goal.
    Just relax and go with the flow.  You probably know that happiness always comes from within, not from a mate or material goods.

  33. Don Russel..  you asked, “what happened to your advice about using date in asia website to have your pick of thousands, Henry?”

    I am still open to the use of online dating.  As I also said in previous videos, those sites are really best used when a person (such as myself) is already living IN the Philippines.  This way a date in-person can be made in a few hours or days, not months/years.  For right now though, I am no longer actively looking for a relationship.  I’m taking a break from any serious dating/courting.  Later, when I decide to look again I’ll consider online, referrals, Facebook friends and women I meet just doing everyday business here in town.

  34. Henry , Have you considered an older, better established woman?
    Best thing that happened to me , 19 year old E3. I just made sure her Llama .22 was unloaded when she visited.
    I respect your opinions.
    Salamat

    1. @Ted Harris right now i’m taking a break to reevaluate not only my options, but which options best suits me so that it’s good for both of us.  older, younger.. it’s wide open right now.

  35. Hey Hi …..
    I’m first you oppressed you
    U really open mined. ….
    This video 2 month ago you upload YouTube
    This u r second trip in php
    U looking just 41 year old
    haha haha. ……..😊😊

  36. Your in the Philippines, water water everywhere and no where to drink. I fully understand your dilemma.
    I think a lot like you and it’s is so nice to hear you articulate the same thoughts so well.
    Love your videos, please keep them coming.
    Thank you

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