Is Marriage for Suckers? Making a Choice in the Philippines

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145 comments

  1. Hell ya! The church / State are and has always been corrupt..why should anyone feel the need
    to sign on a dotted line to be at one with their lover/mate. There is always an agenda..Marriage is a business for one………… In today’s World, the stigma of marriage is
    out of control and is nearly impossible to stay happy while finding a match to begin with is tough odds.
    People think they need to lose their freedoms when getting married..that is a huge mistake.
    We all need our space..finding that special someone should include understanding space/freedoms.
    As the world becomes increasingly complicated, as does the people..lets face it..most people are focusing
    on what does not matter …result equals fkt up.
    timing for everything is key..and at this point on the Planet, good luck finding someone worthy of
    being a viable happy match..
    WE MAY NEED TO TURN OVER GRAVES TO FIND SOMEONE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ….LOL

    1. hey Grant! good to hear from you.
      been busy at the tail end of summer.
      In the midst of moving right now.
      Just got my ticket to Phils for mid November.
      When you plan to head out?
      reply to my email

  2. I wouldn’t say that I would never get married. Just that as I get older it seems like more of a long shot to find the right person. I’m with you on the topic of children been there done that.
    I am planning my first trip to the PH next year to see if I like it. Thanks for all the insight.

  3. There is no benefit for a man to be married unless he wants children. Henry you been married twice. . Where you’re now you can have you’re cake, I’m sure you’re aware.

    1. Jason Wilson one benefit in the Philippines apart from having a committed relationship of being married is you can apply for a 13A visa which means you don’t have to leave the country every 3 years

  4. There is no benefit for a man to be married unless he wants children. Henry you been married twice. . Where you’re now you can have you’re cake, I’m sure you’re aware.

    1. +Ken Smith the whole ‘catholic’ angle doesn’t really mean much in practical, daily decisions. it’s a factor to deal with in relation to the society at large. but in over 3 years of living in the PH, i’ve only heard 2.. TWO filipinas turn down intimacy. one because she was christian (not catholic) and the other because she took relationships slowly. but all the others (and there were many).. not once did “i’m catholic” play a role in their decision making. it only made a difference in the way they behaved when “in public”.

    2. Bingo… I’ve been married twice and don’t plan on doing it again… I don’t have any kids and at this stage of life, don’t want any…. Why put yourself through that when you have all the time in the world to enjoy yourself and just make “friends” with women… ¬†Think Hank, THINK!!!!

  5. Hi Henry. Difficult subject well expressed. At least you are labelled and known as on the marriage side which will impress those Ladies as they are most looking for a Prince ?  Yep marriage is a big commitment not to be entered into unless you are sure of the ONE ( Angel ) ( T Love ) and aware of all the circumstances/baggage on both sides, there are certainly no financial benefits.
    Now if you came on here and stated marriage is for suckers that would put a few of your potential partners off.  Take care..

  6. Hi Henry,

    I am often asked “Are You Married”? by locals. “No” is my answer. “Why not” is their follow up question. “I have found a number of ‘good’¬†women just not the one who is ‘good for me’, I reply. No follow up questions after that statement.

    The reality is that you and I and many others watching and reading are serial monogamists, still looking for the “one”. Our original intentions to marry¬†may have been pure but what we have actually done is move from one committed(marriage or long term relationship) to another. So really not all¬†that different than the marriage avoiders.

  7. Hi Henry, how are you? I follow your videos daily and I want to say that I admire your integrity and honesty; you are a very good person; it’s not an easy thing share your life with perfect strangers and take the risk of being exposed to criticism and disapproval.
    I have to say that we have lots of things in common and we also share the same view for marriage.

    I have been married once and my family was the focus of my life; after the second child the “love” was slowly disappearing; I hoped that moving from Italy to Australia would help to “fix” things, but it all ended bad.

    I traveled in Thailand a lot, trying to find my “princess” , but after several girlfriends, I just gave up; as you said, it’s not possible trust anyone to make a commitment just spending few weeks together: it’s impossible.

    An Italian friend of mine moved to Philippines from Australia; he is having such a good time and very little dramas because he is determined no to commit to anyone; he is almost 60; I’m not sure how long can he keep doing this, but for the moment he is more than happy with the dating scenes over there ūüôā

    Marriage is not an option ūüôā

  8. seems to me some people just are NOT cut out for marriage, while others are happiest in marriage…
    neither one is wrong or right NOR do they have the right to look down on the other… we can’t ALL be engineers or doctors or janitors-EVERYBODY has a role and a path to walk…
    just a lot of fuss about nothing, really

    1. that gate swings both ways Jason, I don’t think us modern folk put enough thought and consideration into what it really means to honor our spouses…

  9. I think it is very easy to decide if you want to lease or buy.The trend now is slanted on the lease side. Unless you watched the girl from 10 years old to today in a country like the Philippines, you really do not know what you have. They old saying, * Talk is cheap * applies here. Like cars, nobody knows if you leased or own the car if you move to a different location.
    Marriage thinking is a moment of weakness and so is a empty bank account from buying a car with the same ownership feeling. If you  reduce it into a simple form like the above, very easy to understand. 

  10. My thoughts,,I think its just all about what you want,me I was married for 30 years I don’t know anything other way if life,kids I like kids mine or hers don’t matter ūüôā

    1. @Famous Jack thanks.¬† i haven’t been trying to lose weight.. it’s just kinda a result of not having anyone here to make me stop and eat like i should.¬† ha!

  11. I think this disscusion applies to where ever you live not just in PH. Everyones needs are different and no ones opinions are right nor wrong. If you need to find that one partner to marry then thats fine but dont let if rule your life like it does with some people aye.

  12. What happens to the extra old expat in PI? ¬†Do they get shipped back to where they came from or do they just just shrivel up and die? ¬†If you don’t have healthy family relationships in PI those are your options. ¬†A benefit to marriage would be security and care when you are a senior and need help.

    1. “Alexander Soulzenitzen” ¬†ūüôā ¬† As claiming this kind of a accusation against filipinas in general, you should show some piece of evidence instead some “urban legend” you might think only. I find out this as ¬†nothing but a harassment ..and you as a sucker yourself as claiming this “behind the curtains”

    2. @AugustOshea The ones I talked with, some returning to their own countries costs of serious health care cost some seems to have caregivers pushing them around in their wheelchairs other’s just die in their rooms. Of course there’s always the flying club.

    3. @Jason Wilson
      Spouses don’t inherit, here in France.¬† They can be provided for, but that’s not how it goes.¬† Different laws and culture.¬†

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines¬†Try not being hands on. ¬†be like most fathers over there. ¬†be nice but keep it as a ¬†“I’m with your mother, not your dad” relationship. ¬†All of my step-dads keep it like that with me and I cool with it. ¬†My gf has 2 kids. ¬†One lives with her and the other lives in the providence with her mom. ¬†The yaya and the gf deal with everything. ¬†I am nice and I care and that is all that is really expected of me. ¬†It isn’t an issue. ¬†

    2. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Totally agree with you on the kid’s issue. Afterwards it will be the kid’s – kids — her problem’s. more kids problem’s and somewhere down end of line is the male caribou does the heavy lifting. Like you mentioned ” where is our quality time “? .. of course this is all after the honeymoon when as the reality of marriage set’s in..

    3. @AugustOshea i would make an exception for april, but even though we are still good friends and text daily, it’s seeming unlikely we will be together again.¬† and i did rethink my position.. i dated a wonderful woman with two kids (different, not april) and as soon as it became obvious we really had something.. i backed out.¬† i just can’t make myself commit to it.¬† it’s more than just getting a ya-ya.¬† i’m a hands-on parent.¬† i don’t just want to be ‘in the vicinity’ ignoring the kids like they aren’t there.¬† for me, parenting is all or nothing.

  13. Henry you forgot to mention adultery laws and potential blackmail from the husband’s family. You covered the topic in depth in your blog, google “Getting Re-Married in the Philippines”. Sounds like living together is taking a risk, though I don’t know how often the law is enforced. Aren’t virtually all single Catholic women with kids just separated and not divorced, so inable to remarry anyway?

    1. @f formica if they only had kids, but no marriage was recorded.. they are still ‘single’ and free to remarry.¬† but if they were married, then they are pretty much out of the marriage game until their spouse dies.¬† (or could be legally presumed dead after a certain period of no contact has passed)

  14. Wow lots of opinions lol. When did life become so serious ? Maybe get hitched in the US ? As far as the girls lying sounds like a lot of guys been burned before and have lost all trust completely . As far as what the girl has done or does who cares . I have two friends here who married bar girls , Both have been married for aprox 10 years . Both great girls ,Loyal ,honest and hard working . On the other hand a few of my other friends took the other rout and married girls from the province . One marriage lasted for less than 1 year and the other isent doing so great . So tell me Does it  really matter ? Hell if I was a girl and I had my choice to make 6 Us a day standing in stinky rice field water up to my crotch or work in a bar having some fun and choosing who I slept with ? Lets all face reality here Is a man any better because he wants to sleep with a lot of girls than the girls who sleep with a lot of men ? Who pays and who gets paid ? LOL Just a thought . Henry I agree find the one you want to spend your life with and get hitched .Lets face it we all have skeletons in the closet . Take care Aloooooooha

    1. I would think that an educated girl, cell phone, laptop, and all would be a better fit for a modern relationship…working past her baggage if at all possible. . ¬†There are already enough cultural differences- add this city guy with a jungle girl and that is just too far to stretch. (though a Nipa up in the hills does sound cool1)

  15. Henry, I have a great deal of respect for you and judging solely from your videos we have similar views on alot of things. We are however, polor opposites when it comes to our take on women, relationships and dating in general. We are both quite similar in worldview and in our relationships with friends, relatives and with people in general i’m more of a sociopath when it comes to dating, intimacy and relationships with the opposite sex. I believe we touched on that earlier via my post on a previous video. Sticking with the car analogy, I’m more of a “lease the newest fastest sports car and trade up if a good opportunity presents itself” guy and you’re more of a “buy a nice reliable car, take care of it, maintain it so it won’t leave you stranded”… Neither is right or wrong and both end up costing about the same… Do I think marriage is for suckers? That’s a tricky question. You are not a sucker and it seems as though you have decided that marriage is for you so the most I can say definitively is that I don’t understand why a person would think marriage in the Philippines would be “worth it”.

    1. @Tony Lewis This commes close to the truth I think so.Henry is on his OWN path and frankly, I prefer for myself the same path. No need for marriage because of immigration benefits or financial stable. I understand the reasons why filipinas looking for this kind of marriage with a foreigner very well. I am an european guy and here we have a big community of Filipina / German married couples, living in big houses with cars, pools, and business and so on.
      But many of close Filipina friends here (friends, not gf), they¬īre telling they never were really happy here and longing going back to PH.
      So what¬īs making the happiness in a relationship ? So far I see here, it¬īs not the materialism and whole stuff of consumerism.¬†
      Henry is looking for kinda Unicorn and I understand completely, maybe having not the right words for to explain it.
      I think Henry is the most loyal person but sometimes also the most misunderstand one.
      I only wished I could explain that stuff correct but I have just my school english…
      Henry is a person who¬īs thinking by heart , having the right values in life..
      I wish all the best and hopefully one time we meet in person..

    2. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines No way Henry. There are hundreds of not thousands follow your story. You are the heroic protagonist of this story and the vast majority of us out here following your story are routing for you. We want to see you win in the end. I’m not saying that you should end your unicorn search for true love. I’m saying that I believe that you can have a girl who truly loves you, accepts you without the stipulation of marriage. Any live in girlfriend who would be in a supportive, loving relationship with you for years and then abandon you in your time of need just because she’s not legally obligated to be in your corner would have been a wife who abandoned you in your time of need if only you had jumped the broom. That’s not what you are looking for. If you fell madly in love with someone and been together for years would you abandon her in her old age? No. People who really love and commit to each other stick together through good times and bad through sickness and health regardless of what documents have been filled at the county clerks office (or however they document legal marriages in the Philippines). Reekay, your a good, romantic and loyal person with a heart of gold… Realize that YOU are the unicorn. You are the kind of man that like a diamond to a Filipina who deserves it. You deserve better than a Filipina who says “I’ll promise him that I’ll stay with him forever if he legally marries me and obligates himself to take care of me and my family and leave me all of his money and property when he dies” (talk is cheap btw and anyone can promise anything to get what they want) you deserve a Filipina who says “I love him with all my heart and I’ll stick with him through thick and thin because I love him and I don’t need a piece of legal paper to prove what’s in my heart”. Hard to find? Yes. But so is true love… and so are guys like you.

      Good luck Henry. We believe in you and we’re rooting for you.

    3. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Come on don’t sound so morbid. My choice would be living with a young lady without children with marriage in mind since you’re snipped (lucky guy you) that little rug rat is not a problem. I wouldn’t tell her that. She’ll also have secrets. So just invite me to your wedding hopefully never take place. I’m sure the separation will be admirable.

    4. @Tony Lewis and who knows?¬† maybe after a few years of coming up empty handed.. maybe even i will have to just end the unicorn search, settle for a live-in g/f here and there (they will leave eventually with zero commitment) and hire a maid in my old age, hoping she doesn’t rob me blind or forget to give me meds.

  16. I watched this video again and the analogy about not wanting¬†childen was really valid. You made an excellent point there. An¬†even closer comparisson would be the differance between taking care of your girlfriend’s kids and actually legally adopting your girlfriend’s kids. I mean, you can love them and take care of them without being held legally responsible for their wellbeing until they turn 18.

    I’m really trying to see the¬†“up side” to marriage for a foreigner in the philippines but I’m just having trouble seeing it.

    You can have commitment without legal marriage paperwork

    Legal marriage paperwork does not guarantee commitment or fidelity anymore than engagement does, marriage just adds severe penalties to both parties (you could lose 2 years in the phils and she might go to jail).

    A good girlfriend will do anything for you that a wife would do if you can find the right woman to get in a relationship with.

    The costs related to upkeep of a marriage and a family FAR outweigh themeager ¬†savings in immigrations costs etc…

    It has been my experiance that women actually try much harder to please the men they love when they are trying to convince them to get married than they do after they actually get married.

    Women change. there is absolutely no gaurantee that the girl you are in love with for the first 3 years will be the same in 5 or 6 years. maybe she will and maybe she wont¬†but why risk being stuck in a miserable relationship through no fault of your own? Getting married to a woman is like¬†giving her a job that she can’t get fired from and hoping that she shows up to work everyday.¬†

    The only thing you stated as a benifit was the social aspect of it. Even that isn’t a benifit for you. you would have to list that in the very long “benifits to the filipina marrying a foriegner” column.

    I only took the time to write this because I think you are awe awsome and it would suck to see you give up so much to some filipina that you fall in love with in order to get so very little in return.

    In a nutshell: when it comes to marriage… Is the juice worth the squeeze?

    Why not just find a fantastic girl,¬†move in together (depending opon how commonlaw marriage rules work in the phils), commit to eachother, love eachother,¬†buy her a cute engagement ring, change your status’ to “married” in facebook and leave it at that? ¬†

    No need to sign your life away, Reekay.

    1. Very well put. In light of the recent murder of an expat in bohol, marriage effectively hands over all your assets to your filipina wife under the law. Getting married you can end up putting a bullseye on your forehead. If you are older it doesn’t take much time for a filipina to figure out that she benefits greatly if you ‘accidentally’ or get shot in the head twice.
      For a man marriage surrenders all your power and authority over your life to your wife.
      Why the hell would any man want to do that.

    2. @Tony Lewis “Getting married to a woman is like¬†giving her a job that she can’t get fired from and hoping that she shows up to work everyday”. Tony you had me laughing out loud! Now that’s good stuff and accurate LOL!

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea РPhilippines I would think the best bet is to marry one that is already married to someone else then. Then there will be no hassle

    2. @edwinodus i’m not sure if there is a ‘common law’ period here in the PH or not.¬† (where cohabitation results in a change in marital status).¬† but a taxi driver i spoke with said he has lived with his g/f for over 8 years, has two kids and if he left her.. she could file for “family support”.¬† (but good luck on collecting in the PH).¬†¬† but the main problem is that, just a “no kids” is a turn-off for many filipinas.. “no plan to marry” is another big turn-off.¬† the more provencial the girl, the more it is frowned upon.¬† relatives accept if she lives with a foreigner who intends to marry her.¬† but living together indefinitely and she’s considered, at best, stupid for trusting him.¬† she and her family will figure that when he gets bored of her.. she will be replaced.¬† and that could happen on any given day so.. where’s the security in that?¬† now, city-girls will live together with a foreigner since usually they living away from family and in the city for a job, living as they please.¬† but even so, they want some kind of security and it’s not uncommon for filipinas to demand a set amount of money promised if he breaks up with them.

  17. Is Marriage for Suckers? Making a Choice in the Philippines – On a regular basis I run into men/expats here in the PH who refuse to get married. Are they onto something valid?

    1. @Robert Moore¬†You’re still young, Robert, forget all about women and concentrate on upping your own personal empire and getting some money behind you. See how you feel, say in 10 years time. It wont kill you, and what you’ll have will be your’s.
      Remember best cure for a broken heart is hard work.

    2. @Remia Montano¬†Remia, what are you laughing at?! How did you find the plight of this man so humorous?! You’re not exactly giving out the right empathy when you can laugh so easily at other’s unfortune’s, hopefully the same misery and depression never comes down on you or any of your family, learn commiseration or pity at least, coming from a place like the Philipines one would think you might of learned that.¬†
      At least the man bore himself on a merciless forum, expecting nothing except a word from the wise, which you have none. 

    3. Hi Mr Moore filipinas are mostly very adorable and responsible of taking care of there husbands til the end. Like me I’m proud to have a foreign husband who is too older than me. His 66 years old but I truly love him. We are happy living here in Philippines.

    4. Yes your right Madam Remia.. Not all filipinas are the same as what he thought. I think the filipina he meet in a hurry to marry him maybe that woman is tired of her searching.

  18. ‘Cause I’m free to do what I want any old time-Soup Dragons¬†

    My initial plans when I retire overseas is to take trips with single ex-pat dudes and the occasional college girl looking for a good time or needs help paying tuition. If I find that doing everything with one woman is what I want in my life, then I pray the right one will come along.

    She will be the one that I won’t mind… going to her family gatherings every other weekend, denying relatives a line of credit, watching what she wants to watch on TV and what movies to see, eating what meals, where and when, her deciding if my cloths match her¬†cloths¬†before going out in public, making purchases that meet her approval with¬†money you earned, avoiding arguments that will not be remedied by logic, bouts of jealousy, permission to see your friends, listening to the ongoing saga of other people’s drama, how often there is sex, etc.

    Yes, I pray the right one comes along and you know what? It probably will be wonderful, but man, the odds are rough.

  19. A major reason some ex-pats may not be into marriage is that if the Filipina in a marriage decides to cheat and run off with another man, the ex-pat will have to move back to the states, spend some time there to acquire residency, file for divorce, spend more time waiting for the divorce to go through and all of this means the ex-pat has to spend several years correcting someone else’s infidelity.

  20. Your Honor i want a divorce from this pig.
    Judge: Could you justify for the court.
    Her: He won’t change after 20 year’s of marriage he still playing golf riding the Harley Davidson and watching sports, pizza and beer Sunday’s. Told him to sell the golf clubs and that dam motorcycle, no more sporting friends he should be taking me shopping at the mall there’s always % 50 off.
    Judge: is that all.
    Her: The worst I’m is expected to have sex once a week I told him begging won’t work. Pig, pig just a pig
    Judge: Was it aways like this.
    Her: oh. no your honor, when we first met it was sex twice a night all nights. . What use to be right is not right anymore.

  21. There really no right or wrong with this one . If one find the right girl I say way not get married . But with all the problems you would have getting divorced I can also see not wanting to go down that road . I’ve been married to a Filipina for 10 years and I’m happy . We got married in the states . You seem like me , you want that old school traditional marriage .

  22. Henry, are the expats part of a family system ?

    If your primary purpose is be a part of a family system, then go for it. 

    I was introduced by family members here in San Diego, who have several very lucrative businesses. Also, family members in Las Vegas, and the others are all OFWs working for Shell Oil and make way more $ than I ever did. They all believe in education and helping the family. 

    I can tell you this Henry, I am a member of the family, and I won’t end up alone in some nursing home.

  23. When it comes down to it, base line aspects of marriage, life, what ever, its about choice. When one decides to do something in life, that person knows/feels what is right or wrong thing to do (for that person). No matter where one is in the world, we have choice…and consequences of those choices. I say, follow your heart mostly but also know what you’re getting into, in case you feel the need to escape.:)

  24. Gotta agree with your point of view Reekey. Marriage is about commitment on both parties involved.
    Guess I’m old school. Seems values there in the Philippines is old school also which is my attraction
    You see it in the people there
     

  25. I just got back to Canada got married to a beautiful pinoy women best thing ever did ,, but went thruogh 10 women before i made my desion , now its forever very nice wedding about 120 people there 5 lechion pigs 200 hundred pounds of rice 30 cases of cokes red horse beer and of course a Karioka ,  shes from Cebu, San Fernando area , now the next step to get her here to Canada   Take care wish you the best
    Jaymz …..

  26. Sorry marriage can cause hugh legal problems, also get a girl pregnant in the Philippines and they will hit you for child support. it can be the lotto for a lot of women both in the Philippines and the U.S. ¬†Don’t get crazy on us life beyond the sea, don’t worry those feeling will pass . hey you left out the fact you come back to the U.S and get divorced and shes pregnant there going to give her child support.

  27. Hi Henry,

    I only check out your videos every couple of weeks, but I thought you said about 2-3 months ago that you were going to avoid any commitments at all for the next year or two.  That is more along lines of how a lot of those expats you were talking about feel.

    Did you change your mind about that ?

    1. Hi Henry,

      Thanks for your prompt reply…

      I was under the impression that after you broke things off with the last girl, that you were going to more or less play the field for a while and try to avoid long term commitments.  It is no biggie either way.

      After 2-3 failed long distance relationships with Filipinas (just visiting them twice a year), I am wondering how things will play out for me when I move to Cebu or Dumaguete in January.   I am a romantic at heart too, but sometimes I think the drama and family/financial obligations involved in a relationship with a Filipina might cause it to be easier for an older guy like myself to just avoid marriage.

      …..Of course a battle¬†plan never survives after the first shot is fired.¬†¬†There is always that one on a thousand woman out there whom¬†I would¬†gladly sell my soul for if she were to marry me.

      Thanks again for the great service you provide for future and current expats.

    2. @Al Russell no, no change.¬† but there was some confusion over what i meant by ‘big decisions’ so i did a follow-up video here (link below).¬† even if i met someone Today, i still would not make a decision about marriage for a year.¬† “starting” a new relationship is not what i’d call a big decision.¬† there is no commitment to asking a girl out for dinner or get to know her.¬† even becoming bf/gf is minor considering it’s still an initial phase of getting to know each other, not a binding commitment.¬†¬† Making Big Decisions in the Philippines (or anywhere else)

  28. Marriage might be for suckers, who knows, but the only reason you should be or get married is for LOVE,, if that still exist, and maybe its covered up with a bunch of material things and wealth.. ¬†who knows, ¬†,,,, ¬†,,, As far as the other part of weatlhy or upper class filipinas marrying foreigners,,,,? ¬†Welll, i had a semi well off gf from phils and her friends would tell her,, ¬† you dont need to date a foreign man,,,why do it, ¬†and low and behold, they were right and she dumped me,, ¬†and its true, ¬†upper class women from phils, ¬†not that have lived here in the USA , dont need foreigners,, ¬†they have wealth and power there, ¬†just like Henry claimed over the girl he had, but his case is different since she was in the USA.. ¬† i am sure its harder to find that in phils,, since the reality is they DONT need a foreign man,,,, ¬†they get men there at their level, culture and customs…… example… a 20 yr old that comes from a wealthy family in phils would most likely not date any foreign men, unless he was close to her age. ¬† even so, its about the family, customs , culture and upper bringing that these well off to do families come from . etc…. to be continued

  29. ¬†Henry, you certainly make a great case for “not getting married” just with
    the hassles of getting out of the marriage, should it not work out.(yikes)  I just
    don’t understand how you equate “permanence” or commitment with marriage??
    This doesn’t make sense to me at all-“unless” you were raised very religiously,
    and believe that a marriage union is between you, your wife, and God– then I
    can understand that, because it’s an emotional decision, and not an intellectual one.
         As for being together, eating together, loving together, and being faithful to each
    other, then “marriage” certainly won’t do that for you–“only love for each other will”.
    It can only be love, and the happiness you bring to each other that will ultimately
    determine the longevity of your relationship- “nothing else” Why not live together
    for 5 years, and see if she will be a suitable long term lover and wife, before just
    jumping in to a marriage??? ( I don’t get it)
      Maybe your embarrassed by custom and tradition, by the values you were raised
    with, and don’t feel confident in telling people that she is “your long time lover” ??
    Maybe you feel you have to do this to please your family, or her family, or your future
    wife, to get her to marry you. I don’t know??? I know it’s a big thing over there in the
    PH, but I’d be a bit careful before jumping into marriage. What is the rush??? do people
    think it will protect them from a bad marriage?? the divorce rates at 50% disagree,
    with that way of thinking- “totally.” No matter how many intellectual reasons there are,
    it really matters not, because those that see a marriage license as some kind of magical
    right of way, will never be convinced otherwise.
    ¬†¬† I’m not against marriage, or those that are for it, but I’m just saying– live with the
    woman, get to know her, see if you believe you can go the distance in life with her,
    before jumping on the “marriage bandwagon.”–then approach the altar with confidence!!!

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines – well I do know the great American
      golfer-Arnold Palmer got married 4-6 weeks after he met his wife, and it did
      last for a lifetime. There were many others back then, just like him. However today,
      it’s a complicated life we live in so many ways, that lends itself to a lot of split ups. I do
      respect and understand people’s sentiments about the institution of marriage though,
      but for myself, I’d like to approach it a little cautiously. You never know though, if she’s
      really gorgeous, you just can’t think straight, and I know I’d be worried about losing
      her, so I’d probably go for the marriage deal. ( try to be as careful as possible though)

    2. @Grant Bedard you make very good points, and i agree on all of them, other than ‘why’ i believe in marriage.¬† i don’t let societal expectations make my decisions.¬† if i had, i’d be still in calif doing the rat race trying to prove what a fast-rat i could be.¬† ha!¬†¬† and i don’t believe the paper of marriage keeps people together, seen too many divorces to believe that.¬† no, my reasons are more romantic and spiritual.¬† i do believe that there is a ‘union’ of two people, even without the paper to support it.¬† in my own way, i still feel connected and i ‘love’ certain women i’ve had a relationship with in my past.¬† we’re not together any more, but there is still some kind of bond there i can’t explain with some of them.¬† i’m not in any hurry to get married though.. on the contrary.¬† i’d need at least a year with a woman before doing anything serious about marriage.¬† and that doesn’t fly well here.¬† filipinas i’ve met are ready to marry in less than 3 months if you agreed to it.¬† no, i need a year so i can know what i’m getting myself into.¬† i ask a lot of key questions all the time and i observe a lot so it’s saved me for 2 years here from taking that big-step.

  30. Inviting Government and lawyers into your relationship offers nothing but potential hardship.¬† Think about the ‘Tambon’ video you did -can you imagine what leverage she would have on you if they just randomly decide to go quiet and then siphon half your assets from you?¬† Non-formal relationships ensure asset protection but also that she will deliver a degree of respect or she’ll be on the 1st scooter out.

  31. After being married and divorced twice, I have to say that yes, marriage is a sucker’s game… Unless you want to have children and start a family, there is no reason to get married… On another note, I have never found a pinay that I consider “wife material”… Why you ask? Because I’ve never found one that can tell the truth… Sad, but true…¬†

  32. Marriage is not only a lifetime commitment among people in the
    Philippines, it’s the same in Ireland, Spain, Portugal, Japan where
    there is no divorce there. I’m a widower of Irish-Norwegion
    ancestery that was married 31 years to a wonderful Filipina
    from Cavite City. My late father was raised in the old Irish way, when you married, you stayed married, him & my late mother who
    was of Norwegion background stayed married over 45 years.
    My mother passed away before my father by 5 years. My father
    never remarried at all. My late parents raised me & my brothers
    Very strict-there was some of the Filipino ways that my parents
    had in them.

    1. @Scott Raymond as a single guy, technically.. yes.¬† but you’d want to have a substantial amount in the bank in case of emergencies or a quick flight home in case needed.

  33. What about the issue of the results of a divorce. I have been married twice and the cost of divorce is very high. I understand that in the Philippines a woman gets divorced or an annulment and they could only be married to you for a week and I understand that they would get half of my assets no matter how long married. I believe in marriage but am concerned that the laws of the land in the Philippines will benefit the person born in the Philippines

  34. Marriage is not for suckers Women want happiness Some men want bluntly benefits with no obligation and its wrong prostitution is want they want but for short term. Your right to feel the way you do.

  35. Having just read all of these 244 posts I would like to say something.
    You don’t have to be religious to believe in marriage
    If you want the most out of life, if you want God to be able to fully bless you and yours
    then marriage is the only true solution.
    Fornicators do not have favor with God.
    Just because we can rationalize why it’s okay doesn’t make it okay.

  36. Very good video. ¬†There are many different “types” of marriages that exist, so one size does not fit all. In any event after two people decide on what “type” of “marriage” they will have in my opinion the worse thing they can do is ALLOW the government into “their relationship” via a “Marriage License”. ¬†Once U do that, the state GOVERNS your relationship and that can be costly to both people involved. ¬†I can GOVERN my own relationship, thus why get a marriage license from the state ? If two people decide to make “their relationship” permanent that is all that is needed……….their mutual agreement.¬†

  37. I’ve ¬†had 2 girls I would have married there, but they both cheated.
    They both wanted to come back later. No can do baby. If one had said “Honey I made a mistake.” maybe¬†I would forgive (unlikely)¬†but once the lying starts everything is uncertain. ¬†I was nice to them but just said it’s better if you go with the new guy, he’s the big winner, LOL.¬†
    ¬†I actually sent 1 girl some pesos and told her to take her new bf out to lunch on me. The guy she was sleeping with already has a wife and kids LOL. People are just horny I guess they can’t control themselves.

  38. this was one of your better videos maybe because you had lots of practice making it ha ha ha
    you did a great job explaining everything about ups and downs of marriage
    I have been happily married for 25 years and now happily divorced for about 18 years
    and if the opportunity came up for me to get married again I might
    Richard in the tropics

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines in complete agreement on my part, it was a huge responsibility what a whole lot less fun while we were just dating.

    2. @richard hart¬†aside from having kids, getting married is such a huge factor in the direction of a person’s life. when i was younger i really didn’t understand this. not like now.

  39. Hi Reekay!¬† This was an interesting video. I like your “old-fashionedness.” I went to the Phils starting in 2007 for the express purpose of finding a wife (been married twice before, to American gals). After much hue and cry, I finally found a gem in 2010. We married and now live in Australia, where I’m a permanent resident since 2009. I wrote a book for expats about my experience, called How to Find the Perfect Filipina Wife. May not apply to everybody though. Anyway, keep up the good work!

    1. @Michael Jordana i’m always glad to hear of men who find what they’re looking for in the PH. it’s easy to get distracted or bamboozled here with so much flash and culture clash to deal with. it’s a bit of a challenge and, sad to say.. i’ve seen some guys make some really bad decisions for a wife or g/f that really made their life much harder than easier. that’s why i’m happy for those who found the gem they came out here for. congrats to you and your missus. ūüôā

  40. I think the important thing is to go into the relationship being honest, and don’t fuck with peoples heads. If you don’t want kids or a relationship, well that’s fine, but be honest up front, then if anybody gets hurt that is on them.

  41. Would it not be better to go to Thailand to get married then register it in the Philippines. Then it would probably be easier to get a divorce if needed.

  42. I respect your position Henry. But here’s the thing, you both agree not to have any kids, so you marry. Then later on she changes her mind, after all people do change, right? Then what?

    1. Granted, it will be her decision. And if she chooses otherwise, now comes the Divorce. Divorces are never pretty or cheap or free of pain. Maybe better just live together, buy her¬†a house (or something)¬†as a token of your sincerity and “love.” And if things go south, at least she’ll have something and you did the right and honorable thing. It’s the big D that bothers me and its consequences.

    2. +master yap then, she has the same choice she has right now. a life with me, without kids or.. a life with someone else with kids. either way, now or then, it’s her choice. very simple. i think you are looking for a way to arrange all this so that i am in control. i’m not interested in controlling her decisions or the situation. if she wants kids that badly, she can have them with someone else at the cost of losing me. either way, she gets what she wants most. but she already has known from Day-1 a life with me means a life with no kids. if, as you suggest, she “changes”, then she will have a big decision to make. but it’ll be her decision, not mine.

  43. Only traditional non-paper Muslim marriage. Ain’t gaining shyt on paper there or anywhere! Latest babae claims she’s 100% pregnant for me although she was dating European freak same-time! We’ll soon see ha!

  44. Marriage is a big responsibility.Kids are very important too.But you have to find a woman who truly cares for you.Not just because you have something to give or your money.She has to be simple, religious,kind,God fearing and specially who doesnt expect a lot of a better life coz its only a marriage for convenience.Someone you can see each other eye to eye and who support you 100%.Some women that are mature are stubborn coz they feel they know everything in life and they dont want to be taught of many things.Younger women I think are much better coz you can still teach them on how you want it and they have more respect on you coz you have a better control of the situation coz your older and wiser.I hope this help learning more about women in general.

  45. majority are suckers. very few are real marriages, i have close friends who were married to pinays … once they left thier nest B0OOM IN a year they file for divorce and all lies, ….. wtf

    1. Joan Ford your so very wrong , most marriages in the Philippines are real and genuine it’s clear you don’t understand Philippine culture , Filipina women are the last real women on earth they will do anything for you , wash your clothes Give you a shower cook decent meals for you and look after you and protect you for the rest of your life , that’s the vast majority of wives here . I’m not talking about the occasional mishap which I know does happen .

  46. I look at life differently now that I’m 63 yrs old. marrying a younger woman when you most likely are older than her parents. They moving in with you after marriage, family looking for the rich foriengnor to support them. We older men (westerners) have worked all our lives to save or have been in a marriage before and starting all over again. We really don’t want to support a whole family who we feel should be on the same level as us. Most men or woman our age want to be in a relationship (loneliness is a terrible thing) but we don’t want all that responsibility. Especially for adults. Why should we be responsible to buy them a home, feed them, cloth them. We really are not rich. It took us along time for us to save for the future. It took us a lot of planning to have a retirement fund to live on. We should not be looked as the golden goose to support the family. That is how older Western men really feel. Maybe the Philipines is not for some of us because of their thinking. We want to support the one we’re with not the whole clan. For a family to come visit a couple to get money is a insult, and injustice to that couple. It is her responsibility to right this wrong because they know foriengnor has no rights and can not really argue this point in the philipines. So if you marry the wrong one they will bleed you dry, with no remorse. Why in your old ( yes I said old) age would want to go through this? Don’t let loneliness put you in a bad situation. Remember what it took you to get where you are. Don’t give it up freely, keep people hands out of your pockets. You’ve earned the right to live the rest of your life happy, not worrying about how you can help improve a family’s lifestyle.

  47. I think for me , I realize that I develop strong feelings for a women I am with . Even if she ends up being not wright .I find it hard to let go.
    So If I find the wright one, for me I am not going to be interested in any other woman . I would want the commitment , I do think it has its advantages and disadvantages, but I think it does tell everyone that both of you are off the market that can give both people a feeling of security especially her if she is depending of her husband for some help with expences. Not sure but maybe it puts a expat in a better light with her family and friends .
    Hopefully if they get married both will continue to appreciate each other.
    Take Care .

  48. I totally agree with you on the point of not wanting the commitment of having children are raising children anymore I am about to turn 50 myself and those days are behind me I do have a Filipino fiance who will be coming to the United States probably next year she has to Mineral teenage children who are not coming along and that is by their design and choice which suits me fine LOL they’re great kids however I don’t want to go through raising children anymore if however I was single and decided to move to the Philippines there is no way I would want a commitment and I hate to say this but there is just too many beautiful women in that country that you just basically have your choice up I think I would want to stay single and have the occasional date maybe somebody spend a weekend or whatever but to get it any more serious than that living in the Philippines would not be for me but that is just my opinion totally love your videos I learned so much everytime you post something all very interesting

  49. Those guys don’t have the mental capacity to pick a pair of socks, let alone a mate. They are magnets for scammers just like a lion can take a look at the heard and pick out the slowest zebra.

  50. Reekay, huge respect for you and a long time subscriber. However, this video and the opinions you expressed do not exactly match your last long term gf. What is up? Seems to me that you did not practice what you are preaching. No offense intended, just an observation.

    1. i don’t see how you could come to that conclusion. as i said in the video, unless a person is wanting to get married for the whole commitment and social status, it’s better to not get married. so, i did not get married.

  51. For me I’ll like just have one woman I like that type of relationship .

    I like to have one girl we have a lot to do in our lives not enough time to do it and children I like children and I want to make sure that if I’m going to be with this person that when I pass away the They receive the money that I have not the state
    Having lots of money comes with its own set of issues

  52. To my way of thinking, why get married, when you can have practically any girl you want, and change up anytime you get bored? When one is married, and gets bored, or she starts to give you a hard time, he is stuck.

  53. If you can find the RIGHT girl/woman, marriage can be a really great thing. Variety is fine, but it can be a crap shoot. I would choose marriage over variety.

  54. I’m more old-fashioned than you are :-). Compatibility is a choice to forgive another imperfect person who it is hoped also chooses to forgive ‘you’ and accepts that neither of you is perfect but choosing to work together on the same team, come what may.

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