Open Dating Options in the Philippines, 2of2

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79 comments

  1. I have been communicating with a Filipina for 2 months now thru Yahoo messenger and using email and webcams. I plan on flying her to the USA to visit me in about 4 months from now and she will stay for about 6 months so that we can get to know each other in person….

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Yes you are right on ,the girl can in no way come here other that a k-1 visa ive done it myself and am happily married.The only other ways are a travel visa wich she must have a reason to return(meaning money in the bank and ownership of land)or a work visa wich i doubt she would have unless a profesional of some kind.

  2. I thought that your very considered and to-the-point deconstruction of the usual cake-and-eat-it-too and because-I-am-a-special-foreigner thought processes was masterful.   The bigger the ego, the more vertigo this paradigm shift will cause.  

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines maybe the phillipino boy’s have the right idea. . Remember they all had father’s . You know the “when in Rome” it maybe a cultural adapted behavior.

    2. yah.   when i bought it, i began by doing moves and then reversing back to it’s original state in hopes of figuring it out.  i lost track of my moves at some point so now, it’s a random mess.  (still, after a month)

    3. Thanks.  I’m in the thick of this whole dating thing, on the front-lines as it were so.. trying to be as aware as I can on all the angles specific to the PH.  Here dating is less like finding the right hole for the peg and more like solving a Rubik’s Cube.

  3. Your take on the subject makes perfect sense, of course. It’s remarkably similar to the way relationships work in the rest of the world. Oh yeah … I totally agree, no such thing as online dating … one of the most ridiculous notions I’ve encountered since I became interested in the Philippines. Talk about setting yourself up for failure … geez!  Thanks for the great vlogs … stay loose Reekay.

    1. Yah.. 98% of people using online dating never stop to see the difference between “communication” and a “relationship”.  The Net only offers communication, not the same thing when the other person will log off and do who-knows-what with the rest of their time.

  4. Good points and views henry, totally agree with you when it comes to waiting 9-12 months before making a serious commitment. Nothing worse than rushing and later having major regrets! Take care buddy 🙂

  5. Butterfly, was the term often used in the old days by the ladies in Thailand, maybe still is. In any case, I often used it jokingly to put off any persistent woman to keep her at arms length. It was a derisive term used by the ladies to indicate to others that you were not a good candidate. The irony was that they often had 3 or four other farangs on the hook who were sending them money and visiting them on different vacation schedules. Western men get their heads so turned around by women who seem so sweet and sincere compared to women in their own country, If you don’t take the time to understand their cultural and motivations, you are just asking for trouble. I follow many forums and blogs, and the % of questions that relate to the subject of women just boggles my mind. I have been dealing with Asians on and off since 1971 and you would think by now that western men would have smartened up about this issue. Those who refuses to learn from history are bound to repeat the same mistakes. Guys, please get a grip. I will also say that if you take the time to meet the right Asian woman, you will be hard put to find a better help mate in life. Loyalty is still held in high regard in Asia, although due to mass media now being so pervasive world wide, things are changing, and not for the better. Taking your time is one of the best pieces of advice you will get, as Henry keeps pounding home in the hopes that it will sink in. Keep up the good work, Henry, always a pleasure.

    1. As Robert Palmer would say, “A pretty face.. don’t make a pretty heart”, necessarily all the time.  These women are on a mission.  Some go at it legitimately.  But the ones that don’t.. they are very good at being a chameleon to the real thing.

  6. Informative and well portrayed. I am married to a Filipina. Married for a year and a half, dated for 3 years in a long distance relationship while she worked in Hong Kong. I love my wife and she is everything I want in a woman. We have much to learn, I of her Filipino culture and her of my American/Mexican culture. That is why I am a big fan of yours, because you portray the life there so clearly and in my opinion, so unbiased. I have much to learn, but one of the issues i have learned to deal with, thanks to you, is concerning her jealousy. I will retire to the Philippines and still have much to learn. So, continue in your journey and share your experience, that there are many of us learning and living your experience through your videos and your writings.
    thank you Henry

    1. Thanks, I’m glad I can help in some way.  It encourages me to continue.  Sometimes I consider these things to share and almost talk myself out of doing the video.  I’ll try to keep it real and useful.  🙂

  7. Great analysis once again Henry. As you said get to know them for a year or so as they should get to know us too, and then get married if it is genuine love. For more about love go here v  www.answerstofreedom.com   

  8. The amount of men she is V-chatting is irrelevant. What she is saying AND more importantly doing, is. If she is asking you for money (a scammer), what do you think she is asking her other chat-mates for? If she’s telling you she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch through a garden hose (a HO) what do your think she is telling them?

    I don’t believe you can get to know a Pinay well enough in 9-12 months to even begin thinking of marriage. Why? Because you don’t see the real person until things go to shit and get challenging. Then you learn about a person’s real character. This “trial by fire” takes time. Hence I can’t even consider marriage until 5 years.

    Never compromise your standards. We’ve all had Pinays wanting us to meet their family and get married way to soon. Don’t do it until you think the time is right. No need to hide other ladies, either. If you have one getting a little to pushy, remind her that you don’t know her well enough for an exclusive relationship. Be polite, be nice, but be firm. No need to entertain jealousy or tampo.

  9. I’m glad you’re recovered and back to posting your videos. I hope you’re not getting married since I belive it’s a predominantly male audience that would totally change the direction of the videos. Give it a year if it happens just enough time to come to your boda. Until then I’m tuned in for the next exciting installment.

  10. I’m glad you’re recovered and back to posting your videos. I hope you’re not getting married since I belive it’s a predominantly male audience that would totally change the direction of the videos. Give it a year if it happens just enough time to come to your boda. Until then I’m tuned in for the next exciting installment.

    1. Henry, I am not there yet, but one thing is consistent wherever you go, LIFE HAPPENS. What ever your preparations something always happens. I think you have that anyway. Just felt I had to put in my two peso’s. I have been in an online relationship for 3 years and I know this woman is NOT SEEING anyone else, but I am not into the shackles and chains thing. I will be there FINALLY in November. Thanks for youf POSTS, I’ve been following you for a couple years from the beginning. Earthy and simple. Thanks muchly.
       

    2. After giving it one more try, I’ve now decided it’s time for me to just be single a few years and not worry about finding ‘the one’ just yet.  I’m totally okay with that.  It’ll take me a while to trust again so I don’t want to start something unless I plan to complete it.

  11.   It’s only human nature- whether it be a man or woman to want the best
    deal for themselves. You’d like to date as many Filipinas as you can, so U
    can weigh out who’s better for you, and this should go for her as well.
       With that being said, it doesn’t seem to work that way over there–it’s
    almost like they want instant commitment, so you have to be very careful,
    or you may lose a really nice girl. ( that’s why Henry’s videos are so good)
       I think all this is because there are so few foreign men over there, as
    compared to the amount of available women. The girls see a good decent
    man, and they say–well “let’s make a life together”–like no fooling around
    and dating others for 2-3 years. It’s either take me–or leave me, and if you
    don’t like me, then move on and find someone else. More of a business sense
    to their dating, and I can understand why, as conditions are very poor there
    in a lot of places. Good to listen to Henry’s videos before anyone goes there,
    to know the psychology of how women and society think over there–as it’s really
    very different than Western culture and lifestyles. I personally like their no-nonsense
    approach to life and relationships.

  12. I’d love to see you do a video on — can men and women be good friends ??
    Personally I don’t think they make for good friends, but I guess there are
    exceptions. I mean good friends where you spend a lot of time with them,
    over a long period of time, and are just friends. I know I’m friendly with a lot
    of women–like at work, or neighbors or whatever, but I wouldn’t say their
    great friendships, like the kind I’ve had with other guys over the years. It be
    very interesting to see comments on this subject. I know in the Philippines-
    there is no such thing as friends–either you want them as a lover and a wife,
    and if not–their gone in a flash. It’s all business over there. No time for
    frivolous friendships, and hanging out together.

    1. @Grant Bedard Platonic friends? Not possible. If they have husbands or boyfriends, it will be over so it is just not possible. Acquaintances more like it. It means you don’t know much, she doesn’t know much. A “F*ck” buddy (if she’s single?) depends on the woman. I used to know a few before in Canada when I was younger. No strings attached type but just sex. No jealousy and no regrets. These were more wild girls that I knew and met in bars when I was younger. “Group” sex was in then. I can’t discuss further but you get the idea. And they were college girls too. I used to have a male room mate in an apartment for 3 months back then early to mid 80’s in montreal.  We’d go out together maybe with other males friends and pick up women from the bars where lots of college girls (or same age girls) hung out to get drink and we would invite them back to the apartment. Porn videos of ginger lynn, or amber lynn etc goes on with alcohol & pot served and you know what happens next.  “Girls Gone Wild” was more like it but in real life. Those videos sold on Television advertised back in 1997 by Joe Francis? I lived those days in the early to mid 80’s. That was were that idea came from. Those were the real “spring break” days. Can’t be serious with these girls though. If you did, they’d be gone in a flash. They knew they were just having a good time. Nothing serious. Remember the saying? Whatever happens in Cancun or whatever happens in Miami or Las Vegas or Montreal stays there.  (“Whatever happens in Cancun, stays in Cancun”  etc etc.). Needless to say, wild girls in their early to mid 20’s in college from a different town or State or Province, without their parents knowledge, going wild in college. Always carry spare condoms. Never go bareback. Those were my younger days. Ah, to be young and free back then. 

  13. Intercultural relationships take more efforts and energy, but are also more rewarding when successful. Whether male or female, be loyal and dedicate your time to your loved ones. This time is never wasted, it is an investment into a future wonderful old age with your family. 

  14. interesting do you do online dating yourself henry? how do you meet girls in the philippines? i agree with you that filipinas are more jealous of other woman than western cultres and also at the same time a lot of filipinas are definately more reserved which can make it a lil harder with communication sometimes.Western girls let you know where you stand in a relationship a lot easier than filipinas but then in general not all filipinas are very loyal n loving and like to take care of you.with to your jealousy thing i have observed wen i ask filipinas about dating filipinos and i get the responses like they lazy,sleazy alcoholics etc etc. i also kinda think filipinas seem more attracted to foreigners because they seem to think that were more honest and loyal and the money of course haha.

  15. Brother Mongo, if your lady “friend” can get a non-fiancé visa for 6 months, she is exceptionally wealthy by Pinoy standards. Don’t fly her anywhere. She can pay her own way.

  16. Also need to ask the question to yourself, do I want a woman that works because most here don’t, more over, are you willing to take her on as financial luggage even if it’s the right one, so to speak.  I am with a very nice and beautiful woman that is forty seven.  I’m sixty three and absolutely no way would I dream of being with a twenty year old that most likely sees her boy friend on the side while with me.  One thing I did, sort of off the subject here, was get her twenty eight year old daughter off her rear end and get a job and not hang around here playing on the phone and on Skype half the night. 

  17. Well, Henry, you hit the nail on the head once more. Been there and done that. I was shocked when I found out that my Filipina sweetheart also had other men on the line. I guess I was just naive. We settled on each other and are happy. But it should be no surprise to anyone that they will look out for their own interests too. These women are not stupid.

    1. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea How long you and her was in a relationship before you found out she was dating other men? just wondering as i planing on going back in the 2020

    2. @Larry Lantz What shocked me was finding out my trusted Filipina was seeing other foreigners, in person, but while we were in a relationship that was supposed to be exclusive.  Very much caught me off-guard, but I figured it out soon enough to cut my losses and move on.

  18. Henry, What I like about your videos is, you keep  guys from going out with a girl in the Philippines and sleep walking, Your site is a *** MUST WATCH *** if your dating in the Philippines. Your insights are the very best and in depth. You give and we like it. Thanks and if you ever wonder, I hope this helps.

  19. many Filipinas are still faithful and have this long patience in holding on to one guy whether a foreigner or local. I guess we really have this soft sweetheart in us.i loved your topic henry. oh your hair is getting longer again.: )

  20. I’m just amazed at the double standard in the dating world. Doesn’t matter if your in the Phils or the States. Men and women will continue to play games but women will always claim the moral high ground. That being said I don’t see a problem with Filipinas keeping there options open I just feel the jealously on what we as men do should be turned down a notch. (Not going to happen)
    A Filipina that has feelings for you, will give you 7 hells if she finds your chatting others. Even if SHE is doing the same.

    At the end of the day I’ll take a Filipina over an American anyday. They’re cute, sexy, and have a way of getting straight to the point on what they want. That’s something I can’t find in California.

  21. What I have always wondered is why the Filipino women don’t have the same “open dating online” views as they do about actual “open dating?”
    Now on my trips to the Philippines the women had a bit more of an “open dating” outlook regarding dating with Filipino men. But seem to be much less open when dating a foreign man.
    My opinion is most filipinas want a foreigner for; firstly for financial support and secondly emotional support. Would you agree Henry?
    You are spot on about the online dating, it is 99% communication! Real relationships require you to be physical together!!!
    Also if guys are “open dating” in the Philippines why are they worried if a girl is “open dating?” just jealous weirdos?

    1. @Gregory Gonzales the reason is fairly simple.  their reputation.  online they can maintain ‘relationships’ with up to a dozen foreigners and.. nobody would know.  not their family, nobody.  and no sex involved, so even better.  but.. in person, no filipina wants to be seen with a different foreigner every month or so.  people in her town keep track of those things, gossip begins to spread, their reputation suffers.  so, in person, they shoot for a quick path to getting married if at all possible.  the irony in all this is that, to do so many will quickly enter the bedroom.. so long as it is discrete.  so, in the end, there is their ‘real’ reputation and then there is the reputation perceived in the local community.

  22.      I agree of course completely that any man that still thinks that they can date and play arouond but women are somehow damaged if they do the same are immature and selfish children. That said there is the culture to consider and in the Philippines, from what you have said, it is quite out of the ordinary for a Fillipina to date several men at one time, especially in intimate relationships. So a woman who is living a lifestyle very outside her cultural norm may have emotional and other psychological issues as well. I am talking real dating as you say not online communication. I also agree with you that the online thing is not dating. I think this falls more into fantasy and whimsy then reality.
       So with all I have read on the Fillipina and dating I am still confused as to what to expect with just dating and not a committed relationship. On one hand I have read that a Fillipina will stop dating you if she finds you have dated another… but then I read about committed and non committed relationships..?  How can you have a non committed relationship but still be expected not to date anyone else…? To clarify further I am talking physical intimacy and dating, not just going to a movie once or twice a month. Dating to me is going out at least once a week and occasionally or regularly sleeping together. From what I can gather this scenario is just never going to happen..with two or more women at one time….am I right about this..? My feeling as an outsider and just from what I have read that if you date a Fillipina more then a few times and have physical intimacy with her then she expects a monogamous relationship. I would never want to hurt someones feelings knowing upfront their expectations, so I am very interested in this aspect.
        My last quandary involves how to move on if after a few weeks or months and you feel this is not going to work out…? After you have been intimate and been together even though you said no decisions on marriage for a year.. what if you want to break it off… how do they react to that.. here in the USA of course.. there may be some shouting.. maybe some anger.. but then everyone moves on. There I am wondering if the entire family will be hunting you down to run you out of town..?

    1. @Robert Cameron  if i did have to ‘generalize’, i’d say that once an exclusive relationship is started with marriage as the spoken end-goal.. most filipinas become very committed and reliant upon that occurring.  ‘living together’ is not a light thing.  here, it seems to be the equivalent of an engagement ring.   so.. if the relationship does end due to incompatibility, trust or fidelity issues.. there is a high likelihood of drama before things go back to normal again.

  23. Thank you, I have read so many post where someone says, ” she asked me for a dollar should I dump her.”  remember there is no extra money for anything for some of them, so that 1 dollar to get on line might be to much, just do what you feel is right. And like you said if you can’t get to the P.I. for 5 years tell them so, maybe you could at lest make a friend.

  24. I have a question about taxes, if you live in the P.I. how do you do your taxes ? like I live in FL, no state tax, so if I move to the P.I. what do I have to do to keep FL as my residence for tax reasons.

  25. Hi Henry, it makes all a common sense. Myself I was born  and raised In Djakarta Indonesia,  luckily I have some left over from my culture background, the way we do things , and act. And I have the intention to move to the Philipines , and stay there. 
    Getting back home, 

  26. There is so much truth that you put out in this video. I agree that there is a need to spend a lot of time with someone in person. I do make good money, but I am by no means rich. It is just not possible for me to spend more then two weeks at a time in the Philippines.I would love to be able to spend at least three months there, but I would need employment as well. And from what I understand, jobs are not easy to find. And, being American, I’m pretty sure that finding a job that is good money to me is near to impossible.
    Is this pretty much the truth or is there actually options?

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines I do plan on making a visit hopefully this December. Or at least during July of 2015. Planning on about 3 weeks. And hopefully she will visit me during the summer of 2015. I do want to make sure that things go well between us. Thanks for the reply.

    2. @Dimond Wallace people have found ways to weed out a really good woman, even with limited, short trips here and lots of online skyping.  but it’s like a needle in a haystack method that way.  but some people are eventually successful at it.  the main thing is to not get scammed along the way while separating the wheat from the chaff.

  27. That´s complete right. Take your time and date IN PERSON for 6 to 12 months, meet the family and all that stuff…then, and first at that point , think about an excl.relationship..

    1. some areas more than others. manila, cebu, dumaguete are heavily populated with expats and can be found in a limited geography. (malls, bars and social hubs)

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