Tampo: A Filipina’s Not-So-Secret Weapon (2of2)

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115 comments

  1. My wife did this to me for around 9 years until I found out a way to fix it.
    Do exactly the same thing back, IT SENDS THEM CRAZY ,for the last 3 years the problem has all but disapeared ,as soon as she starts to go cold I imitate her and just ignore ,even leave the house for work without talking or saying goodbye.
    Roll over in bed and show your back and don’t talk .It might seem harsh but instead of Tampo for 3-4 days, it is usually over in an hour or so.

  2. I lived in the Philippines 5 years 2008-2013. My wife and I have been together 5 yrs and married 1. I never heard of this Tampo. When watching parts 1 & 2 of your videos I actually had to stop and think about whether or not she pulled this on me and honesty, I can say no. We have great open communication and I will say if I mess up or she sees that I’m about to mess up, she will stop me and right me a ticket. we don’t have time for any unnecessary B.S. or immature, elementary school mentalities. My wife is from Manila and Antipolo with family all over Luzon and the U.S. so I will ask her if she has watched a training video on how to deal with men from the U.S.

    1. +mia sindingan i’ve heard that phrase. although, in the West, that sort of response to tampo is called, “emotional manipulation” or “emotional blackmail”. 🙂

  3. i usaly just ignore it and say give love and offection i gave up askin whats wrong i didnt bother askin u dont get anything from him i clicked on to how to get him to talk love and affection and say ur sorry

  4. Enjoy a lot your videos. Most of what you say can be applied to other asian countries. I was married to an indonesian for 18 years and suffered the same “tampo” thing. When I asked her why she was so quiet she would just say that she didnt want to say something she would later regret. All they expect without saying in words is more masculine attention and care. Well, I know now, didnt know back then

  5. Thank you, Reekay. Back in 96 I was living in San Jose, CA and a Filipina I worked with set me up with a friend of hers in LA. I went down one weekend to visit her. Friday night was dinner and drinks. Saturday morning she wasn’t talking to me at all. After breakfast I took her to Disney thinking she would snap out of what ever IT was. It didn’t work. After about 3 hours in Disney, trying everything to get her to talk, I explained to her that I was going to leave and I would drop her off at home. Still, no communication. I ended up leaving $50 on the bench beside her and hopped on the next flight I could. This has baffled me since. Now I have an idea of what was going on.

  6. Thank you…this video is very insightful. So true about the non-confrontational aspect and the silence response when upset. Been married for almost 20 years (same age) and while realized such responses were partly cultural, did not realize it was such a common defined behavior pattern.
    Contrary to some responses here, however, I have found the silence response is not (in our case) an attempt to manipulate, but rather almost a “short-circuit” response. It results from a sort of frustration at not being comfortable with confrontation. Some here attribute this to “maturity”, but that is a Western perspective to what is,while frustrating, actually an ingrained cultural reality. Lauding with attention is not what helps, rather it is temporary space and cool heads.

  7. Sometimes I wish my wife who is Filipina would practice this. She was brought up in wealthy family with her mother being a politician. I used to get accused of bonking the house girl, having a kabit (mistress) of which is common among Filipinos and something they know about but because of the close family structure hesitantly ignore. Her mother and father taught he to address the issue and demand it be fixed.

    Sheila is amazing as a wife. She is well loved by my friends and family. She is a bit selosa but that is a negative way  Filipinas express their love for their man. She doesn’t give me the silent treatment. Promise.

  8. I’M GOING TOTALLY IN ONE DIRECTION BUT I FEEL I AM CORRECT: NOSE BLEED: Before we go too far you nailed it, and yes, it did evolve over 100’s of years, and here is why…Culturally, yes, it is in the culture…This is why we love them so much and that is they nag for good reasons..If you Filipina, nags you, you got it coming and are in the wrong country…NOW 2017: Do you want to get the shit beat out of you, for asking your husband, something, the wrong way, at the wrong time…They do not understand, timing is everything…The boss at work, the low pay, the rude jeepney driver, and so on, they just stay what they call silent…(Yes, I know they are becoming more mouthy but that is our fault) They do not understand how to control men, or better said, how to address a man, in most ways…I know, I know I hear you guys saying, but this money face said this, this hooker said that, but you are talking to a professional who dies this 3 or 6 times a day…They do not want their fathers to beat them or slap them, they do not want their husbands to beat them, because you need to remember, this is a culture where it is still acceptable to beat your wife..Asking for a raise is pointless, and your boss can talk to you like a pervert and get away with it…You need the job…Before you come to the women’s rescue and say I am wrong, I studied the culture for over 10 years, and it is true…There are a lot of dead Filipina just for burning dinner..Men have the same problem, and they are killed also, but they will get hot, and vocalize it, women do not…I love the tampo, because it gives her time to learn…In case you did not learn from American women, they will argue, forever, and learn nothing…We need to make sure, we do not put them in that situation, in the first place…Everything which is wrong, or bad about the Filipina, is the cause of men

  9. PART 2: As a Filipina, you cannot really adjust TAMPO unless she is a house wife and she will not do that unless her family is set financially, or you pay them an allowance, so she can stay home, and she knows she will never work again, because she will change…Tampo is for them not just you…It is not to punish you, it is to keep them from being hurt, fired, whatever…You cannot make a bullet proof vest thinner, you cannot make a bullet proof glass thinner, you will be hurt or killed…If you try to change her, so you do not need to change, then please stay home…I do not want to Westernize the Filipina, I love them the way they are…If you not notice, some who did adjust the tampo, because they had a soft father, good father, who was not violent, or abusive, she changed, or has a good boss, whatever, they toned it down, and they will fight until the death, called Hiya, which is what the men do..I never once saw a pinoy beg his wife to forgive him…The Filipina, will fight, even if wrong, until you shut up…Don’t bother to argue, it is okay to make them think they won, because come tomorrow, they know you were a sweetie pie and gave them right to be wrong and voice it…It is a long standing insult to point out wrongs to a Filipina..She is an adult, make suggestions, and shut up…She will pick up on it, and figure it out…Remember, she speaks English better than you will ever speak Tagalog

  10. Well, in my opinion that is trying to keep control of the relationship and force you to speak about crap they had no idea took place. I would be offended by the silence but I am not confessing to crap on some laundry list. I guess it would be time to take my happy azz to a different location and see them when I see them. My ex, always played that you guess what I am angry about today crap. I am too old and too fat to walk on egg shells so I gather I will be alone for quite some time.

  11. This sounds like you’re
    supporting” bad behaviors in a relationship. Makes no sense to go that route. If you’re interested in a person, and you end up getting involved with them? Behave yourself…or else you’ll quickly find yourself alone. ESPECIALLY if you’re dating a black man!…we have been belittled and torn down by society and our OWN black women for years. there’s no way you’re going to try this foolishness and think the man will stick around. You want to voice your opinion?…you want that mutual respect you seek? Act like a freekin’ grownup and not a 10 year old. That gets old for some men real quick. So to all the Filipina women who are even CONSIDERING acting like this with a foreigner? Simple….”Don’t”. ‘Nuff Said

    1. I didn’t mean YOU precisely…I just meant a man who panders to this “bad behavior”…..who cuddles and tries to appease her making it look like he’s in the wrong. Adults don’t act this way, children do. I can already see you’re not one for this kind of foolishness. Just imagine though…….all the relationships that were ended because a woman couldn’t act her age. Fascinating.

  12. Doesn’t matter where you are in the world, DO NOT reward bad behavior. If your GF pulls this shit on you, tell her to cut the crap. If she keeps it up, dump her ass. Life’s too short to put up with this kind of bullshit.

  13. I never knew the name “tampo” but I knew the game. She’d so nice but the first time it happened about a month into the relationship. I just made up a story and made my way back to Manila as It was to sycophant for me. TY I enjoyed your video. So many people played so many games I just returned to the States after 8 years. But fun watching these videos. But I am old now so no big deal. But I have Filipino friends here and they have their own money.

  14. This is not true at all . Not all Filipina are like what are you saying . There are Filipina who are frank and tell you what it is …please do not generalize everybody ..

    1. i did not say “all filipinas”. you are making that up. listen closer to what i say, not what you ‘think’ i said. please do not make such assumptions. listen more carefully, rather than be so quick to be offended that you make up things i never said.

  15. This Tampo thing, I believe in the west it would be synonymous with “The Shit Test.” My believe is it happens cause as the man you have the Majority of the power in the relationship, meaning you could leave and still be fine. She can’t do it, she feels she doesn’t have enough power. Your right you can prostate yourself but then she loses respect for you.

    I believe at this point the relationship is not worth salvaging.
    Better to leave right then and there before it gets ugly. Depends on your level of investment. Better to invested too little than too much in any relationship. All relationships can go south at any given moment. Of course, you will need to change local too. Like a different island, or country.

    She might get big brother to put a bullet in your back, so move quickly with purpose, you have a target on your back, and the clock is ticking.

    Otherwise go prostrate yourself, hopefully you can find an off ramp soon enough.

  16. These videos are old but it’s still fun watching. Here’s a thought for you. If you are in the Philippines, do with Filipinos do, because you can’t expect to import your culture there and think that’s going to work out. The premise is that your way of dealing with things is better than theirs. That might allow you to get so far in a relationship, but you can’t change the culture of a person in their country. If you want a Filipina to be more American then you bring them back to the U.S. where they then have to see American culture and accept what it is. But don’t expect that change to happen very quickly. Think about this, they get married for LIFE, so, Tampo isn’t a relationship destroyer.

  17. I agree with you 100%, Communication. I’ve seen that in both the positive And the negative for years and years. Anything can be discussed. If a partner, any partner Will Not agree with that, it’s time to move on. Mediation is one of the keys to life.

  18. Tampo doesn’t work in a modern relationship. If you can’t solve difficulties by talking about them, your world will become hell. Please don’t ask me how I know.

  19. been there done that,hahaha
    then usually they regret if you break up with her… i think if you show her whose the boss from beginning, and make her realize the whole tampo thing will not show any effect then she will naturally back up or even better wont even try to make tampo…

  20. I will be Married to a Woman from the Philippines by next summer . That will give us time time to learn each other and establish important ground rules like communication and no tampo .

  21. You are like a wise uncle telling us the ‘facts of life’. You are totally right that communication must be open, fair, and honest. Thanks for the candor, and subtle sense of humor behind it all!

  22. Interesting there’s a word for this “state of mind”, it’s new to me, I heard it only in one other video, where a Filipina talked about it. Maybe it’s quite typical in the Philippines, but it can happen anywhere in the world. Being silent to avoid the bad things she would say in that state, is a fair enough reason, but it’s hard if you can’t reach her before the day is over. Talking about it, even if it leads to an argument, would help you to sleep better. I think it’s important to end each day with a hug. Maybe you could get a “silent hug”, it would help, but even better if she could at least give a hint about what’s bothering her. Good communication is the main key for a relation to work.

  23. The secret weapon to dealing with the Manipulation of Tampo the very first time, best nip it at the bud, is to show your lovely women the door and watch her either leave or be smart and never try that again.

  24. Western women do something similar but it usually ends with the guy spending the night in jail and going to Anger Management classed every Tuesday night which costs $50 every class and lasts for an entire year. This is according to ummm what this one guy told me.
    This guy found out about MGTOW and has pretty much left his cuckold ways behind him. He seems much happier now…. from what I can gather.

  25. Both Filipino men and women do the tampo. And Filipino couples appease each other with LAMBING. That’s the ONLY WAY to make each other speak up. ALWAYS LAMBING before a talk to keep it peaceful – and HONEST. Women do LAMBING with tampo-ing Filipino men too – and mostly it’s ALWAYS about jealousy with other men.

    You can tell the Filipino public to communicate, just communicate, and just communicate. BUT in Filipino culture, COMMUNICATION IS ALWAYS PRECEDED WITH AN AGENDA OF PEACE. In Couple context, that’s LAMBING.

    LAMBING is NOT empty flattery, NOT empty promises of “not doing it again” just to get it over with, NOT gifting but RESENTING it, NOT sweet-talking for the sake of “communication” but nevertheless not trying ever to sympathize with the partner… NO.

    LAMBING IS ALL ABOUT MINI RENEWAL OR REMINDERS HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR YOU TO WORK THE RELATIONSHIP OUT BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IN IT, IN THE SWEETEST AND SIMPLEST WAY YOU CAN THINK OF. THAT’S ALL THESE FILIPINOS LOOK FOR.

    THERE’S NO ANY OTHER WAY TO IT. EITHER THAT OR DO NOT MARRY A FILIPINA/FILIPINO RAISED IN FILIPINO CULTURE AT ALL.

    1. ​@Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea This happens if the kind of Filipina/s was never introspective enough (too much looking out to be in white culture) and never really got the interest to investigate almost everything in her own pre-colonial culture and the values and non-value in it. It’s when some Filipinos rely on school textbook lies for their identity and never really get to know their psyche as natives of the Philippines. And for not fully understanding Tampo in its authentic cultural pre-colonial context, because it was not explained to you, you consequently got the negative mis-use and abuse of it.

      Anway, to those who took the pains of knowing their culture better (and there’s millions and millions of Filipinos who do), you would get a different experience of Tampo and would have understood it so much better in cultural context. In pre-colonial Filipinos, it was valued that all transactions must be done in the spirit of non-confrontational resolutions and camaraderie (pakikisama). There was nothing more important than Pakikisama among families and communities. It’s an islander thing.

      Of course this has its own advantageous and disadvantageous effects on the culture. Disadvantageous consequences when this Asian islander non-confrontational characteristic was abused by colonial masters. But that’s another story.

      But in the context between couples, maybe it’s best for you to further study Tampo being in the archipelago’s cultural DNA and how to deal with it from this couple’s video. Enjoy learning!
      https://youtu.be/sziJ9lJcsgA

      Or search “Tampo 101” by JakeandJessetsFilAmLife

    2. i agree in that, that is how filipinos handle tampo. ‘lambing’. seems to work for them. however, for a western man, responding to a woman who is giving the silent-treatment to him by rewarding her behavior only ensures it will happen again, and again. filipinos may enjoy this kind of emotional game of blackmail, but western men do not. there always has to be some give-and-take culturally in a mixed-culture relationship. in this case, ‘tampo’ is an unhealthy relationship practice and open-communication is far more healthy to the relationship. either a filipina can learn that, or there will be problems.

  26. This human behavior is not isolated to the Philippines. It is common with all women.
    Women by nature are insecure and they need to feel that they are with a man who is capable of defending them.
    Remember, for millions of years of evolution women depended on the strength of her man for survival. It is still at work in her operating system. What tampo is is a women’s way of testing her man to see if he is strong. If you come at her with flowers and submissive questions wanting to know what you did to make her mad then you failed her little test and the tampo will continue. If you take the position of a strong man that doesn’t tolerate such nonsense and make her feel that you are willing to walk away from her then you pass the strength test and she will be satisfied. Thus the end of the tampo.
    Just understand that when tampo occurs your girl needs to feel your strength. That may mean getting a little violent to illustrate that you are a man and not a weak bitch.
    If you can find out what type of an environment she grew up in will help you to know what her definition of a man is. If her father was violent then she will be looking for some of that from you. Sorry to say but that is how it is.

  27. I love this guys videos but in this case he is totally wrong.
    Tampo is caused by her feeling that you are not strong enough to be her man. It is a test of masculinity.
    Questions, flowers and apologies are not the answers. The answer is to stand your ground, ignore her as if she is a child throwing a temper tantrum. Be a man and let her know you are the leader and not the follower in the relationship.
    This is a common occurrence with women who grow up with violent fathers.

    1. you misunderstood. i said that, “filipino men” will respond to tampo with “lambing”, which is the flowers, affection, etc. (kissing ass, basically) i then said that we american men should not fall into that trap. i also stated that it’s best to make it clear at the outset with her that we westerners value communication over the silent-treatment.

  28. There is another solution. Once you see that she is completely ignoring you – freeze her out. Show her you’re willing to walk away. Give her a few days and don’t talk to her at al. Even if you did something that made her mad, she needs to learn more mature direct ways of communicating. And if she doesn’t come back to you (although she almost always will) then let her go. “But that isn’t a nice, mature thing to do!” some guys might say. Well, is the way she is controlling you with ridiculously immature behavior, nice? Showing her you have standards and principles will increase her attraction for you immensely.
    Of course you need to date her long enough to see all of her habits and behaviors before committing to her. You dont want to marry her after 2 months and then face this tampo for the first time after tying the knot then you lose a lot of leverage in your relationship to put an end to controlling behaviors.
    Just bc a woman is mad does not mean a) you are wrong b)you deserve whatever reaction she gives you.

  29. If a Filipina did that to me, the last thing i would say would be “If you can’t communicate with me then i don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.”

    I won’t be manipulated or controlled.

  30. Hello Reekay, enjoy your videos, thanks for the wealth of information. I am a heading to Davao in june to possibly look at retiring early there. Your videos are great. Thanks

  31. Forget the whole “let’s talk and work it out” thing. The tampo-lambing cycle is an immature way for the girl to show dominance in a submissive culture. Just do your own thing, you’re running the show, not her. Forget communication.. that’s the Western way of thinking. You’re the man, so just focus on your own stuff. Watch videos from a Youtuber named Dan Bacon to learn more.

  32. Filipino cinema and television encourages and reinforces this behavior too, sadly. I see it regularly even in the little amount of time I spend observing any sort of Filipino TV or movie. The woman needlessly behaves like a cold c-nt while the man sheepishly and submissively tries to win her heart. Not to be cynical, but it’s easy to see why Philippine society is slow to progress sometimes when destructive behavioral patterns are normalized and even encouraged. Tampo is not a “cultural difference” that westerners simply don’t understand. It points to a genuine deficiency in the culture. It is a primitive tool used by hyper-insecure types that lack awareness in how to manage relationship issues effectively.

  33. wow, i wish i had seen this video 48 hours ago. I literally just went thru my first tampo experience with my new Filippina girlfriend , and had NO idea what was going on. We had JUST got back to talking again when I found these two videos explaining tampo, so i texted her and asked her what tampo was, suspecting now what the situation really was, and she was like “sure, I made tampo” like it was a well known fact, and how silly of me not to realize what was going on. I thought we were on the verge of breaking up, and she didn’t have that in mind apparently at all. I was just being punished for an earlier sin. She was kind enough to finally explain what my fault was at least. Now that I know about tampo I fell like I am much better prepared to cope with it. C’mon Filippina gals, throw a foreign guy a bone at least! lol Great video, thanks.

  34. The Response I have seen is the Filipino man Beats the SHIT out of the Girl till she gets her shit straight, I have seen it ! and I will tell you, these Filipina’s wear the bruises like Badges of Honor., I have seen this many times, ya some guys suck up give gifts and tell them shit you did, which is a BIG Mistake! YOU NEVER ADMIT SHIT, YOU ARE HANGING YOURSELF! KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT!

  35. excellent very true it’s a very clever way to get the guy to really think about what he did. I got around it by setting up front the idea that I will not put up with tampo. I also, conversely, don’t f*** up by being a pig or doing what many westerners do and treat her as a cute child or talk way to much and listen too little or try and lay down what the Ph is and then keep revising my opinion as I learn how wrong I am, and instead I think on it then discus it with equal parts talk and listen . Filipinas put up with far more arrogance than western women would . Last, GIVE HER AFFECTION!, HOLD HANDS, LOOK AT HER! BE GRATEFUL FOR A BEAUTIFUL KIND WOMAN !

  36. Communication is only way but there must be a ultimatum drop dead date to walk away if behavior is not corrected. There is something to say about nice guys finish last.

  37. Tampo = gender defect
    Solution for male put them in their place if honest communication does not work and be willing to walk if behavior can not be corrected.

    Unfortunately nice guys that trys continous communication and it continues to fail endlessly then only solution is replace the defective woman because we can not change them. There are plenty of fish out here

  38. I used to tell my wife that I’m an old guy, I don’t have the time to lose, so can we make it a 5 minute tampo or 10 minutes max, she used to just laugh and say damn you, I can’t even be angry with you, and that was it over, worked every time until eventually she gave up doing it.

  39. I couldn’t agree more. There is a sister to the tempo I call it the I do not understand a thing. I respond before sits in with One-Word-at-a- time repeating what I said & do-U-under-stand-me-now. It usually but not always. I have always heard U do not go to sleep on Ur anger. She may think I am angry with her and the only thing I am angry at is the Tempo thing. Great Vlog & helpful.

  40. i’ll will never allow that. if my female ever does to me, i’m just gonna go out & celebrate, & have fun & get drunk. oh, i did not mention this earlier but i am gonna end up buying their house & lot, since her uncles want to sell their house. i am a filipino citizen, & am able to legally own properties here. so i am in the position to control all of them. already told her after i buy their house, she needs to pay rent monthly. she was ok with that, for how long we will see.

  41. Wow this is crazyyy, it just happened to me🥵 We had a misunderstanding and she’s giving me the silent treatment.
    So if this continues the relationship will end. Cause I asked her many times if she’s ok, and she responds that she’s ok.
    Then won’t speak to me at all, so I feel like I’m talking to the wall.
    This is a bad sign, so if she continues this behavior it’s over.

    1. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea thanks for letting me know. I thought I was going crazy.🤣 This is the first time this happened. I also dated Filipinas a few years ago here in Canada and they were great ladies.
      I’m planning to go to the Philippines after this lockdown.
      This is one I just met online FC.🤣
      I think It will be best to date Filipinas
      when I get there.💯👊

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