Video Diary, Aug 24, 2014 – Freefalling, In Limbo.. For Now

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161 comments

  1. Thanks Henry Interesting informative & thought provoking video, Perhaps in a way its sort of shall I or shan’t  I from both your different perspectives ?  I also ponder the same question & how would I handle the self same situation……..difficult to know what the is best solution given all of the potential variables……maybe the initial gut re-action is most applicable

  2. i am willing to bet there are more reasons on her part than she says. something is holding her back.  it might be her family or her ex or… but its not the reason she’s telling you.

  3. Wait for what. . She already gave the answer to the proposition. That is why one needs a bullpen. Just like in sales one can’t put all hope on one deal.

    1. Agree wholeheartedly. If you have just one woman lined up, you are dependent on outcomes and will come off as desperate. If you have multiple options, she realizes she must act or lose you. The attention of other women helps prove your worth in her eyes.

  4. I guess I am lucky. I met my Asawa from Palawan when I was in my mid fifties and she was 40. She had a total of 3 boyfriends AFTER collage before she met and married me after a year of “courtship” She had no children when I met her and was a “good girl”…from the province…We have been happliy married for many years since living in Michigan. We will be returning to Palawan next near to retire. We wish you luck Henry. Wife’s advice….”move along”…..on another note.. we have been watching you since your inception on here and look forward to each video!!

    1. @Ray Patterson thanks.  i guess each person’s path is their own.  i’m fairly content, but a companion would be great.  there are some pros and cons to being single.

  5. Why are you always in a hurry Henry? You say take it slow and then when I watch the next update your rushing forward. I am not there and I have never been overseas and nor have I the right to judge anyone. I think it would be very hard to connect with someone so young and so immature. 
    I am 51, had my fair share of relationships and now for the last 2 years single by choice. Pausing and getting time to think before I move on and try to find someone special. I don’t believe in love but I do believe in making a thoughtful choice and then giving them my love.
    Anyway enough of my rant Henry life is challenging and at least your out there having a go.
    All the best from Australia

    1. @Outback Dave i’m not in a hurry.  i’m looking to ‘start’ a relationship.  not looking to make any big decisions about marriage or money for more than a year from now.  a year is not ‘rushing’.  gotta start somewhere at some point with someone.

  6. My inner Jedi tells me Jinky has already come to a decision. Please don’t press her for an answer, she gave you one already by her actions. Sometimes women don’t know how to keep it real. What they do know how to do is think 10 steps ahead of us.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines
      This may sound bold and stupid, but in this different culture, I still often “do as I please.”  And no, it doesn’t go over always — not at work, for one thing.  They may not be right for you … Filipinas.  Kind of a sobering thought, eh?

    2. @BigStickCombat i’ve been keeping the option open of starting to see other women.  but that would be essentially ‘moving on’, not a way to get her to come to me.  that might work in the usa, but not here.   filipinas, the moment you even have lunch with some other filipina, they want nothing more to do with you in most cases.  they don’t want gossip going around that “their man” is seeing multiple women, so they drop you.  seen it way too many times here, that’s just how it is.  a keeper will only stay in play if it is exclusive.

    3. I have to agree with Reginald on this one.

      I think the first problem is to expect that a gorgeous woman is going to just move in with you. That would be great if you could work out something like that, but I think reality is that it’s going to be harder than that, and you’re going to have to work for it. You’ll approach and get nothing. The gal who seems eager when you meet won’t return your texts. Filipinas will text and chat for hours just to amuse themselves  –extended chat sessions aren’t helping, and will frustratingly lead nowhere. Girls will not show up for dates or show up late with friends and family in tow. You’ll get taken for free meals and free drinks. This is part of the process.

      I think a better approach would be to meet in person. As a rule, you want to meet in person as soon as possible. That allows you to see if there’s any chemistry, and gives you the chance to generate it. If there is an age/culture gap, this is a way for you to overcome it, because instead of dealing with the concept of an older American man, she has actual experiences like, “He’s funny,” He treats my parents well,” etc. 

      She may have already made up her mind. It may very well be a lost cause. But your only chance of turning it around is not to wait for her. I would immediately go to Plan B, meet other women. If she she sees that you are a proactive man with options, she may realize that she needs to move or lose you. Waiting for her presents no challenge, and it puts you emotionally and mentally in a weak position. The decision to move forward puts you into a positive, action-oriented mindset. 

    4. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Reginald is correct, Jinky made up her mind by her actions. Henry, you are a nice guy but I think sometimes you let your emotions get in the way of common sense. Be very careful what you wish for Henry, it seems her excuses are only masking things she doesn’t want you to know..take this as a SIGN and walk away before you have regret!  Best of Luck 🙂

  7. Henry, you are at your best making videos and your insight into the two groups of females  20 to 30 and now you touched on the 40 to 60 group. You missed the very hottest age group 30 to 40 group.(  Do you think I am sexy? Please say YES. group ) The 30 to 40 females IMHO are becoming a lot more humble and will be more open minded to give you the freedom you need to write in your case.
    Looking for women over 20 years old is like looking for used car. You kick the tires, drive it around the block, check the mileage (mileage?– this is a family show add to suit )  Lonely is only a state of mind. Train yourself to get over it. Try a top end set of earphones and some music to jump over the ditch of lonely moments.

    1. @Ben Person i’ve considered the 30-40 group.  in fact my first two filipina g/f’s were 36 and 39.  since then, all filipinas i’ve met in that age bracket already have kids.  i’ve not overlooked that bracket, it’s just that so far it hasn’t panned out any better.  i even dated a 46 year old and a 49 year old.  they were too set in their ways and preferred a man not disturb the life they had going for themselves.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines 

      ‘a newbie here & have been following your videos since July this year.  well, i believe you can manage about what is going on with Jinky out there–cheer up! (sisterly advice)..let us hope for the best.
      ‘just wondering here…and noticed…it seems that “they” prefer to stay or visit the visayan region & likes Visayan women…are they afraid of ladies/girls/women from Luzon (Luzonians)…particularly North Luzon like Ilocos or Baguio City (Cordillerans)??? 
      coz i havent heard of any stories from luzon yet.  be it successful or not…’just a thought here anywayz..:)
      sorry for this post…am just new to net dating, July 8th, 2014 to be exact..my friends didnt stop on teasing me, adviced me that I need to have a LIFE & not until I got an account from one of the sites…my goodness!  i mean, i am open minded but i think i still need to do some researches or studies…hahaha…so i deactivated it after 38 days..i tried to observe…and somehow i noticed that the word TRUST is hard to find there..it is either they think of you as a scammer or the other way around…do i sound like am asking for some advice here now?? sorry but am not. I just mentioned this coz this is the reason why i got into your videos/stories & find it interesting…had viewed other stories/videos from other expats as well & it is very good to know that there are real successful stories that started from those dating sites…well, i guess, let’s all hope for the best for everybody who wishes to find their long & lasting love/soul mate with sincerity & honesty..
      thanks

    2. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines I’ve been watching your videos for a while now. I know a few Filipinas that are very good people and sincere in finding a good relationship. However, all are Iglesia Ni Cristo and we don’t date outside our church. But I know that there are many Filipinas outside the Church that are also good people. Just keep dating and you will find someone, I am sure of it. And you know that it takes time to weed out the bad ones. I wish you the best of luck. 

    3. When somebody has previously unresolved emotions there’s no particular timeframe somebody can really give you. And a woman as young as you’re talking about really doesn’t know herself very well and it seems rather extreme to go from having no relationship to having a live-in relationship. Seems to me the middle path would be to go spend time with her and court her to build trust.

    4. I wouldn’t remain in limbo. I’d either go to Cebu and invest a little more time or move on now.  I wish you the best Henry … chin up bud.

  8. Henry, you can’t wait for a woman like that. Tell her she can call if she ever wants to see you again and move on. You can’t give a woman that kind of power. No good can come from it. Make her miss you.

  9. I would drop that woman from my list. She looks like trouble. She changed her mind already once. What makes you think she won’t do it again and again. People who don’t know what they want are better left alone. Just my opinion.

  10. Hi It’s me fr.NY u know in my last comments I wish u the best,,,but u know why ….. She’s 20 what do u expect common ur smart enough what’s the reason ,,I’m fr Koronadal City PLS. For me go to some other places u can find somebody more than her like General Santos City, Davao,,,Koronadal. City that’s where iam trying to help u,,,,,, hope u find someone not just who u are MONEY,,,,,,,,,,

  11. My goodness,,,,, Henry I appreciate your videos, and I appreciate your dilemma, although in my humble opinion you have little chance of finding your special person, you have publicly stated you will not commit to anything other than living together for a year while you try to build a relationship, I have heard from a few of my Filipina friends and they ask this question, “so after a year nothing and trade in for a newer younger model ” . Sorry to say but in my opinion the lady you choose risks too much. Just my opinion and feedback from friends. I wish you well in your adventure and your life.

    1. @roysjoy Henry has become a public figure, and as such, if he dates someone, or someone moves in with him, that person will be subject to ” chismis ” and perhaps that fact in this situation, is the root of this persons reluctance to commit to what is basically a common law relationship. This comment is not aimed at Henry’s character, just the reality of perceptions in the Philippines. A topic Henry has been well spoken on, himself. Again best of luck.

    2. I’m NOT following you, Roy.  What she is saying is: lie to me!  Sure I could tell her my crystal ball is working, promising the Sun, Moon and stars.  BUT,can I really predict where we’ll be in a year?  Would it be fair and honest for me to blow that much smoke up her ass?  What you’re doing is promising her a tomorrow, a year in advance.  

      The last I checked, God didn’t promise anyone a tomorrow, much less a happy one.  I’d tell her to date the guy blowing smoke up her ass!  The risk is not in dating Henry, but in dating a guy that can’t be so honest. 

    3. I am rooting for you Henry, to find your match. And as I have a vested interest in your happiness 😉 therefore you would be continuing your videos. I personally believe 31 to 51 years of age should be a parameter in your search. Also I believe your dating is perhaps too public for your quiet reflections to as how you feel. and perhaps putting you under undue pressure. Good Luck.

    4. @roysjoy i’ve heard the same thing.  but what’s the alternative?  spend 2 months in honeymoon phase and get married?  that’s a set-up for disaster.  maybe the ones worried most about getting replaced are the ones who are planning the same thing, so that’s how they think.  

  12. Henry, how much potential do you think she has to be a keeper?  If she does then move forward with her and if not then not.  I don’t know her but assuming she does then just go up there and see her.  It is a pretty big deal for her to move to Duma.  Girls from Cebu are a bit suspicious of people from Negros.  She has a lot more to risk.  For all she knows you could be a bad guy or something.  You also know as well as I do that relationship trauma for a Filipina is 10 levels more than relationship trauma for you and I.  Assuming she is genuine she is probably really scared to leave her family and everything she knows.  HOT Filipina there are a dime a dozen, but keepers are not.

    1. I’m an expat wife and also relocated in my native country for a relationship.  It’s hard and scary and may be too much for us.  It’s not really fair to throw our doubts on someone else … best for us to back off …

    2. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Yea non of us have met her so we don’t know.  I hate waiting.  Then I think about all kinds of crap.  Why not just travel up there and spend a week or 2 with her?  If you did that you would know a lot better what to do.  Maybe you decide a no go and maybe you decide she is worth it?

    3. @Cory Risseeuw up until this sudden change of heart, all looked very good as a keeper.  spending time together was going to be the real test over the next year if she was a keeper or not.  but since that got short-circuited, i’m kinda back to square-one with her again.

  13. Give her 2 to 3 weeks. If no answer then move on. She not giving you an direct answer. Because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or make you mad. She made up her mind. 

  14. Hi Henry, Been following you for awhile now, I love your videos they are very helpful. I can empathize with your situation. I have had that happen to me before, and its very frustrating. My experience leads me to believe that she is not ready to be in a relationship for whatever reason. I believe that timing is everything when starting a new relationship, you both need to be ready. I think your doing the right thing in giving her some time, but dont give her more than a few weeks and  lose yourself in the chase. Good luck Henry.        P.S.  My filipino wife and I will be heading to PHI in about a month. We are looking at Davao, Gen San, and Dumaguete as places to live, but will live in CDO short term.

    1. @Michael Firestone Hi Mike, Coming from Chicago, You can email me at [email protected]    Will probably spend a week in CDO, we have a small house there. We will use that as a base of operations and  then check out the other places I mentioned

  15. if she really ain’t ready, why answer to you? personally I not want you to bounce from one girl to another not even sure of settling down or anything. if she is holding up herself to you only shows that she still have feelings from her boyfriend. then asking you to wait? I’m sorry just giving out my points of view without us knowing personally. just take care of yourself and not get sick, looking forward to your happy videos.

    1. We can find feelings surfacing as a bad surprise.  I have even had this happen with employment!!  It’s best for me to find a constructive way of saying something quickly and appropriately.  I don’t expect to be coddled, but really, if something has arisen … I owe it to whomever to think and tell them somehow.

  16. If someone told me what Jinky told you, I’d move on now. To feel that your life is in limbo with someone you have only known for a few weeks and you are not even in a relationship…dude wake up. She knows you want to be in a relationship with her so let her make the next move. If she really wants to be with you, she’ll make an effort to let you know asap. Until then live your life as if she wasn’t around. If you meet someone else in the mean time, her loss.

  17. I really think she already give you an answer . From everything you have said it sounds like she don’t want to move in with you , but wants to keep her options open by keeping you hanging on . I’m not saying that’s the situation but that’s what it sounds like . Hope everything works out later

  18. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to “be” in a relationship… Things happen for a reason… With all of the available pinays in the PI, just enjoy yourself and the right one will come along… 

  19. Maybe that woman did not really changed her mind but wants you to make a bigger commitment than you are willing to make (such as getting married quickly) and is trying to get that commitment by postponing going to live with you. For sure marrying her would make her feel reassured. 

    1. @Mikhail Bulgakov i’m not looking to rush into marriage.  i need a year with someone to know who they are first.  if her or any other woman is looking to get married after just meeting a few months.. i’m the wrong guy for that.

  20. I don’t think I could date someone who is that young.  I need someone a little more mature who has experienced the “world” a bit.  She is just starting out and  may not be able to handle emotionally mature relationship.    If you really like her, tell her to just to visit no romantic obligations –  just get to know each other as friends  This way she can enjoy your company without feeling any pressure.  But if things don’t work out remember there are so many beautiful women in the Philippines you won’t have to wait long to find someone nice.

  21. My wife was a widow for six years and had two sons. She was 44 when I met her.  I guess I am lucky we had very little to no drama.   We talked for a year or so on the internet.  I went and visited her in  Cebu for a couple months and we got engaged.  The next year I went back and she came home with me and we married.  It just seemed like things flowed naturally from step to step.  Perhaps it was different for me this time because I looked hard for a product of a stable family.  Her mother was a wonderful stable woman and none of her eleven brothers or sisters were divorced.  All appear happy in their family life.  Before my first marriage I thought I could handle anything.   My first father in law fought for Hitler and his wife was a strict fundamentalist Baptist.  I was never sure which was worse, a Nazi or a strict Funamentalist.   But they could not get along and were seperated off and on for as long as five years.  My marriage to their daughter was a 32 year struggle that ended badly.  So much anger in her heart.  In my long and wordy and inarticulate way I am trying to say look at the family background of a potential mate. I wish I had done that the first time.

  22. If she can’t then give your self the time limit, say one month, the choice is you’rs but there should be a limit that you feel comfortable  with. im just saying what i would do. 

  23. hi henry, one day at a time, see what happens I guess. hey I meet a guy that lives close to me in medina ohio, his name is ken unger. he says he talks to u a lot. small world. take care.

  24. Hi Henry. Greetings from Murrieta, California! My family and I were in Perris, CA yesterday visiting the Orange Empire Railway Museum and we thought about being in “Reekay’s” old neck of the woods. My wife is originally from the Philippines and we have been married for almost a decade. We like your videos because we are considering retirement in the Philippines one of these days. After analyzing your situation with Jinky, both my wife and I feel it’s appropriate for both of you to move on with your lives. She’s a young girl, and it sounds like she has a lot of issues to resolve with her ex-relationship. That may take a fair amount of time, and it is not to your benefit to wait if those issues are not fully resolved. We don’t think you would want to start a commited relationship with someone who has unresolved emotional issues from a previous relationship. That could jeopardize your relationship with her. If it takes weeks, months, years… it’s entirely her emotional matter to work through. The bottom line is that it isn’t good timing to start this romantic relationship now, and it is perfectly fine for both you two to acknowledge this. You can always remain as friends for now, and if sometime in the future you two were both single and looking to begin a relationship, you can always rekindle what you two initially began. In the meanwhile, we have a suggestion for you. Try setting a limitation on the proximity for those you choose to have relationships with. Give yourself a chance to spend quality time with them without cohabitation. In Jinky’s case, 8 hours away from you is a far distance for a young girl to uproot herself from friends and family to go and live with an older foreigner who she has only really known for 3 weeks. With this in mind, it’s understandable why she may have “cold feet”. Bueno suerte, Enrique. We look forward to seeing many more of your videos. 🙂

  25. Henry, how do you know the 20 year old will not want to have kids (by adopting, etc.)? I thought you want an empty nest situation, or maybe you have reconsidered? Anyways, I am rooting for you.

  26. I would forget her Henry.  Go for one in her 30’s.  Young 30’s or old 30’s would be fine.  As for this girl ‘Jinky’, to me, she is giving you the ‘its not you, its me’ routine.

  27. Hey Henry, i,ve been following your videos for quite long like everyday.Sorry man i can’t comment about a relationship kinda thing, its not my cup of tea.But, i really like you exploring and seeing different places, to be honest, you contribute a lot to tourism and help the locals. I also also following pop65z and my Philippine dreams.To put it in a nutshell, i like foreigners enjoying and appreciates the beauty of the Philippines, its a beautiful country and sometimes, the only thing making it worse are the people living on it. Thanks man appreciated.

    1. @Tascam .Tascam Kommyfornia is the not-so-Golden state, now.  It’s expensive to live there, getting more so all the time.  When taxes were lower, the population (including all the illegals) and crime less, it was Golden.

  28. No woman respects a desperate guy. It is so easy to meet someone in the Philippines.  Find someone 35 to 37 with a kid and don’t act desperate. Fix YOU first and then the right one will come along.

    1. @Chris Bloor she asked for some time, and i’m willing to give her some.  if you call that ‘desperate’ then i guess you don’t have much patience with others.  as for kids, i’ve been very clear online and with any woman i date that i cannot have kids and do not desire a woman with kids.  the ONLY exception i’ve been willing (and still willing) to make is for April.  lastly, you assume i’m broken in some way that i first need to be fixed.  a person who takes the time to know what they want, and in y case.. i want a companion, is not a sign of something broken.  again.. bad assumption on your part.

  29. Hey Henry, I’m a 35 year old guy from the Midwest.  Looking at living in the Phil six months out of the year (at least), moving three months from now, and narrowed it down to Cebu City and Dumaguete.  You’ve lived in both and I have some other small questions, nothing that would take up much of your time if you wouldn’t mind helping.  I also wouldn’t mind getting together if I land in Dumaguete.  My email is [email protected], I hope to talk to you soon.

  30. Women communicate differently then men do. Women communicate with feelings, whereas men with logic (as you are trying to do). You might be hurting your chance by pushing the time frame on her. Instead ask her what happened in the last relationship, maybe she needs closure of some sort. Maybe she just needs to find the guy and call him an “asshole”. But what every it is, you would be better served to help her solve the problem instead of pushing a time frame. You seem like a good guy, so I don’t think you would intentionally hurt any women, so tell her that. Tell her “look I don’t know what the future hold for us, but I can tell you that I will never intentionally hurt you, and I will always tell you how I feel about our relationship”. Something like that can go a long way with a women who has been hurt in the past. 

  31. probably best to have a relationship with somebody you’ve actually met and been with a few times already. not a blind date hook up. the only person I’ve seen you meet so far who had some common sense and good outlook on life was that ladyboy. haha really.

  32. Henry, my man, ain’t love grand? I’m being facetious of course. I don’t mean to make light of your plight or emotional state but I do find this all to be very …ummm, don’t know the word I’m looking for. I should have been an english major like Ned, lol. Normally you are quite logical, like myself, but in matters of the heart you become emotionally invested of course and seem to be less pragmatic but that is a value judgement on my part. You’ve been receiving lots of advice and opinions, some good and some not so much. A lot of it is typical male, machismo stuff.  Although you read what people say and may even give it consideration it sounds like you have already decided your course of action. That is your option of course, it is your life.

    Now for the most important part of this dissertation, my opinion, lol. Henry, Henry, Henry. You say you are being patient and taking it slowly because you will wait a year or so before deciding on marriage after living together. Personally, I don’t consider wanting to move in together after only knowing each other for 3 weeks to be taking it slowly no matter how often you text or chat. Also, we aren’t privy to the young lady’s living conditions, her relationship with her family and friends nor her ties to her community, etc. You’re asking a probably, relatively inexperienced, 20 years old girl, “woman”, to leave the life she has always known to be with you. That is a big decision for her. Would you be willing to change your life by moving to where she is, I doubt it, that wouldn’t be too logical at this stage of your “relationship”. Perhaps more patience and time are called for or pehaps different rationale for finding a suitable companion considered. Just my musings,

    As always, best wishes Henry.

  33. Henry, a sure test is to ask another foreigner (or even Filipino) about your age to approach her and ask her on  a date.  If she quickly responds with a yes and actually follows through with it then you should just continue looking for someone else.

    I’m a 52 year old Canadian and have been thinking of visiting the Philippines to search for a wife.  I really enjoy your videos as well as other North Americans who have settled there and told their daily experiences.

  34. Older women just drag a lot of baggage with them. Better a young woman that is more flexible still. If you meet someone serious in the mean time than she has to either step up or stand down. Life is too short to play cat and mouse. Best of luck.

  35. It’s good she spoke up!  I had anger issues with a commitment-phobic second fiancé — it had gone from the seventies until the nineties.  It was best to tell him this very calmly.  Oh, we suffered after I left!  He just waited too long and had been too offhand with me for years and years, off and on … he was well into his 40s and suddenly was ready??  I mean, WELL into his 40s?  I adored this guy and was so good to him.  I actually never expected him to commit!  It wasn’t my aim!!  My honesty was best.  He couldn’t fault me for it.  For over five years after, he wrote and recorded songs about me, sent them, phoned, wrote, he cried … it was so, so painful.  But I slowly explained that when the anger is there, how can a marriage start??  It wouldn’t have been good.  I’d pass Jinky by.  Really, I stayed friends with exes for a long time, most of them — usually just special dates I really appreciated.  No sweat.  The six serious relationships in my life, five involved either engagement, marriage or a committed gay thing.  (One time, I was just plain dumped, that’s that.)  I then had to deal with four stalkers, scary ones, and weepy, too, and this French spouse … the situation defies description.  Good video, thanks so much!  Uprated.  I insist, she was right to speak up, and just leave it be.  I’d be honest back and say you were already dating again.  Really.

  36. Love your videos Henry! Every-time you talk about your relationships I go back to Filipino Cupid and revise my search protocols. You are forging the way. Good luck with your new girl.

  37. You got very lucky, Brother Henry!  Jinky’s immaturity, being only 20 years old, saved you from yourself.  You were making a HUGE mistake with a very young lady that you did not know.

    Let me translate NOT what she says, because words are meaningless, but her ACTIONS, because that’s all that matters: She’s wanking your crank!  She is playing you.  She does NOT want to be serious with you (of course, as she’s way to young to be serious with anyone).  Do NOT keep asking her “when” because it makes you look desperate.  Time to be a man and move on.  There are so many righteous Pinays, who are mature enough to be in a relationship, and have no kids, that there is no reason to waste any more time on this young lady.

    I have a simple rule, which is NEVER, EVER violated: I NEVER play house with a young lady that I have been dating for LESS than one year.  Sometimes, it’s much longer, if there have been no situations that have allowed me to test her character and reveal who she really is.

    Not worries, Henry, as this is just a learning experience.  Good luck and God Bless!

    1. @DemocracyDoctor1 thanks.  i’ve only lived with a g/f once in my whole life, here or in the states, and that was with april.  as for jinky, i’m losing faith fast.  to me, when you want something bad enough, you take the risk that comes with it.  if she can’t take the risk of getting emotionally disappointed in some way, then i guess i don’t really mean that much to her.

  38. Have you asked Jinky if she was overly encouraged (pushed) by family and friends to take this big step? What is the financial status of her family? If she has already been victimized by a scumbag, would the family want her be taken care of by a decent man? 

    I rushed into two failed marriages that only lasted two years each time partly because of the long distance situation. I agree, the baggage gets worse with age and often insurmountable. 51 years divided by 2=25.5 + 7 years = 32.5  Women in their 30’s hear their biological clocks ticking. For girls in their twenties in the Philippines, I have no clue how many could honestly say no to having kids unless they are highly motivated with their careers. Maybe hang out at the colleges and look for a teacher, not a student. BTW, how many expats older than 55 are married to much younger Filipinas with no kids now or planned in the future? 

    1. You’ve qualified from a reliable source the family aspect which I would think is a compelling reason to hang in their emotionally for the coming weeks. Fickle women often lose out in the long run.

      I’ve stuck my nose in your affairs because I see myself wanting years from now, pretty much want you’re pursuing at present. I hope you succeed like some of the other expats.

    2. @Glenn McGee i’ve spoken to about half a dozen expats who found their ’empty nest’ relationship.  the ‘unicorn’ as we put it.  as for jinky’s family, no pressure there.  the expat says her family doesn’t hit him up for money, although he voluntarily contributes to their needs.  nobody is pushing her to get involved with anyone.

  39. you are looking in the wrong places..get out of the bars..out of the drinking party mode..start looking in the churches.most are catholic if you are not,they have independent churches.even if you find ‘the one’..you are going to be attending church regularly..like it or not.she will go,so you better!

    1. @po dunc That’s why we have guys like you that know everything about the PH! Certainly your brand of expatting is the only “right” way to do things. Let that be a lesson to me!

    2. henry,wish you luck.you have to many viewers,like the democracy doctor.. that have no clue about the philippines.you mentioned in earlier vids about bar girls/etc so i assume you were a partier.thus my comment about the party scene.i am going to remove any interest in your vids.if you do not have family there,you may find youself in the jungle decaying.some girl is going to have a husband,ex- boy friend or you piss off her brother(s) and they will get a couple friends and you just disappear..ya never know..later..good luck

    3. @po dunc ha!  i don’t look for relationships in bars.  as for ‘party mode’, i drink maybe 3 beers a month and it’s been months since i visited a dance club.  not sure why you thought i was looking in those places.  i suppose i could always hang out at the park across the street from the church and meet them there.  but then again, even bikini dancers and pros go to church regularly here.  so, no guarantees there either really.

  40. As for a woman point of view…you don’t worry about time frame because the time is your actions when she felt comfortable and safety with your approach then she will accept you….never get a cash when you deal with a serious relation…in my own opinion…True LOVE is priceless….

  41. Why dont you try the online dating so you can screen them? This thing started on the wrong foot, you dont want to date someone who is still in love with someone else. Screen for a clean and clear one, darn it

    1. @edwinodus in 2 years i’ve not been impressed with the online dating scenario.  i’d say the ‘honest’ ones looking for a real relationship is about 10% of those with a profile.  but if i were to try it again, i’d maybe consider one that requires a membership of $20 or so a month to weed out the scammers.   most of the scammers are on the free dating asian sites here.

  42. Henry , How many days do we have on this earth ?  Right ? Just me but I would move on . Like you say lots of beautiful caring girls there looking for that right guy . But that’s just me . Hope it works out whatever you decide . Also thanks again for all the great vids . Aloha

    1. @Scott Parnell there’s a saying, “you can’t unring a bell.”  breakups are like that here in the PH.  99% of the time, when it’s over.. it’s over.  walking away from jinky would have to be a permanent decision on my part.  right now i’m willing to give her a little bit of time.  but i can’t do that forever, or even for a month.  this will not drag on long, one way or the other.

  43. Henry… IF it feels good do it ….Thats my advise …To hell with all this other stuff.  At this point its about you brother.  If not now when.  Stop trying to be the nice guy as they will take total advantage.  Focus on your wants and needs . Dont give any consideration to others who want things that are totally against what ever it is you think… JMHO….

    1. @Tom D good points.  one thing i know is that i don’t want to end up in a bad marriage ever again, if it can at all be helped.  so, i’m not about to go forcing a round peg into a square hole.  if this doesn’t come together naturally, i’ll just have to move on.

  44. Hi Henry,

    Just read through all the posts about your situation. In one you mentioned that not only do you not want children, you also said you cannot have more children. I take that to mean that you are sterilized. 

    In all the posts only one made a brief mention about the children issue. I suspect that your guidelines for a potential mate means it is going to be difficult to find any Filipina who is under 35 and does not yet have children and sincerely does not want any of her own . Certainly a 20 year old, who has about 20 more years of child bearing potential, is at some point going to want to make a baby or three. Since you cannot be a daddy that crosses you off her list. Whether she says so openly or not. Expecting a 20 year old to make a decision about a potential relationship that excludes children is unrealistic. Many will say yes to anything and do nothing or do exactly as they please, including getting pregnant by someone else.

    I’m with you on the I do not want to make a child with someone. Why? My reason is different than yours. I am too old. It would be irresponsible of me to do so. Because most likely I will be dead before the child finishes high school.

    FWIW. In my opinion no one is an adult before the age of 29, give or take a few months. Many people go through a major life changing event around that age. This may not be something in which you want to participate.  As an older man myself when I first came to the Philippines I looked for an older, say early to late thirties, woman. With a child or possibly two would be OK with me, as I do not have any of my own.

    My friend, a long time semi-resident of the Philippines and married for 20+ years to a Filipina, told me to forget the older ones. He said find an 18 year old and train/teach her to be what you want. That’s what he did. But of course he was only 28 at the time. When his younger brother came to the Philippines after a financially disastrous divorce he advised his brother to do the same thing. He did. And is now happily married with a two year old son.  I do not think that any 18 year old is a blank slate or pliable enough to be molded into an ideal image. I really wanted someone more mature and with some life experience. Give her that yourself he advised me. I think not. And of course starting out with an 18~22 year old means for sure making babies at some point.

    Although you may find your ideal, that is without or not wanting children along with the other requirements that you have, it will not be easy. Because those requirements significantly reduce the available pool of women from which you can choose.

     Sure that probably still leaves a large number of potential mates. Probably more than you could get through in your life time, Just one question. How do you find them?

    Although I have not done this I have thought of going to the ridiculous extreme of setting up an interview booth in one of the malls. With my friend’s wife acting as my secretary/screener complete with a questionnaire  to fill out.
    The sign could read:
    Job Opening
    Life Companion
    Personal Assistant
     😉
     With my list of requirements I’ve been looking for three years myself, no luck so far.

    Hope it all works out for you Henry.

    Take care,
    Fred

  45. Ok Henry, I’ll put my two cents into the pot.  She’s 20.  My wife was her age when we stated and when I finally made my trip to Cebu to see her, she almost backed out.  It may be that she is such a ” good” girl, that she’s scared to give it up.  She’s taking a huge chance, and in short, I’d give her a month.  I think it may be worth it. 🙂  I
    think you know that ” good ” girls are had to come by, and many girls in P.I are a little behind American girls the same age.   She’ll talk to her sister and mother, and before you know it, you’ll be whipped just like the rest of use married guys. LOL 

  46. Sorry to hear that man, back off and go do some sight seeing and enjoy PI. Me, I am a retired vet of thinking of coming to live myself. Having to renew my passport and get the other things too. Going to see if I can come there without having the big money in the bank. Thanks for insight over there.

  47. hey there,it is good you are not in the party mode.here is another thought.you see and visit the folks that run shops,small businesses.if you find a nice shop that you see a very sweet interesting lady that is working at the business,keep going to that shop and have idle chit chat.go back 2-3-4 times a day if only for a drink/etc.even if you see her mom,dad,brother,then be friends w/all them and the whole family will warm up to you.remember,they have friends also…adopt a nice family and they may adopt you.i married a filipina and i have a very large extended family.they will be there for you..always..good luck..

  48. The fact about filipinas in their early 20s is that they don’t have the ability to make a solid decision; their minds are also in limbo. When it comes to a relationship, their minds are trying to weigh two things–a young filipino boyfriend whom they truly loved, or an old foreign men, whom they believed will satisfy their material needs (SUGAR DADDY). So, if you are an older foreign man who is seeking to get into a relationship with a filipina, in her early 20s or maybe even in their mid 20s, be prepared what your role is going to be like. Young filipinas–particularly those in a survival or desperate life situations–already knew that they are wanted by old foreign men, so they have that confident feeling about being young and they will use that to attract older foreign men. This is a kind of behavior that is common to a certain group of filipinas–no skills, lazy, low education, no morals, or no self-respect; on the other hand, decent filipinas have higher criteria when it comes to men and it is a longer process of courtship–not 1 week or 1 month.

  49. it is not a filipino culture for a filipina to be tried out. a filipina who allows a man to try her out (living in with a man without being married), is either a loose girl, or didn’t have good/decent family upbringing, or desperate.

  50.   Henry- this is not a realistic situation here, it really makes no sense,
    and it really goes against everything you’ve been preaching in your
    previous videos- “never bring a girl to your home”–and also “take your
    time and get to know her”– your not following your advice-right?? I would
    bet she’s exceptionally gorgeous, and your emotions have overcome your
    intellect, where you feel she’s an exception. ( I don’t really think so) Doesn’t
    matter if she was highly recommended or nor, or what kind of education she
    has, because these are emotional issues.( compatibility issues)
       The other thing is this Henry–why is all the heat on her to make a “turn key”
    move in her life, and move in with a total stranger??? Why don’t you show
    your interested in her, and go visit her 1-2 times per week, and get to know
    her??? She would see your putting a lot of effort into her, and she would know
    your more serious. As an outsider looking in, I think it’s a lot to ask a 20 yr old
    girl to completely change her life, and move in with a stranger. For that matter,
    a girl of any age. What effort are you willing to put forth??? and how would you
    feel if you were her??? You yourself said there are a lot of crazies and bad
    people out there, so your asking her to change her life-“with big risk” to go along
    with this, with a guy she hardly knows at all. ( almost like a business decision)
       I’m not at all trying to come down on you, as we’ve all been in situations where
    we’re hoping things will work out, when it’s not really a makeable deal. Your going
    to continue to think she will come, because your emotions are strongly compelling
    you to do that. There are just to many pieces of this matter, that are not completed,
    and they are showing up in her hesitation. If I were you, and I really wanted her, I’d
    put in the effort and go see her once a week, and spend time with her. Then she
    and you both would have a better idea if you 2 can live together. It’s easy to show
    your good side, after only one meeting, or 2 or 3, but time tells all, and your looking
    for something that doesn’t seem right. I think if you can discipline your emotions
    the way the Democracy Doctor does ( below) you would be way better off. I think
    if you want her, you have to show her that you do, and get over there, and spend
    some time with her–“a lot of work” It’s just to unrealistic to expect a “perfect stranger”
    to totally change her environment, job etc, and move miles away to live with a guy
    she hardly even knows?? Sorry if I’m coming across negatively here Henry, but if
    you really think about it– this is a bit of a “pie in the sky deal here” If I were you, I’d
    be happy she’s hesitating, as she’s showing you some good common sense. What
    she may really be saying is–well if you want me– “then show me, by your actions,
    that your willing to put out some effort to have me. Good luck anyways Henry. I’ve
    been in these sort of situations myself ( different though) and for some reason, they
    don’t usually work out. She is keeping in contact with you, so she’s interested, but
    I think she has a lot of “doubt and reservations.” As they say in life, anything worthwhile
    doesn’t come easy, and your going to have to show her, you really want her, The ball
    is in your court now Henry- if you want her–“take a good run at her”.
                                                                                                                  Grant ( in Canada)

    1. Some good points! There is only so much you can expect a 20yr old that you barely know & one that hasn’t had the opportunity to experience life to do, moving in with a 51yr old man is one of them. IMHO…You can say its a tradition or an accepted  way of life in the Philippines but expecting this girl to do this when she barely knows you is  quite selfish and foolish! Henry is acting like a man dealing with desperation  and it is clouding his judgment big time! She is 20, what happened to waiting 7-12 months to really get to know her before making a commitment and moving in together? The aspect of her being young and wanting children? Someone is surely confused and certainly not following his own advice given to the viewers 🙁

  51. Aloha Ricky,
    Enjoy your You Tube comments on your experiences in the Philippines. I would say 99.9 % of the things you share is true. It’s too bad about your situation with Jinky, but you are doing the right thing by being patient. Perhaps that particular significant other is just around the corner.
    Take care and be Safe!

    Darrell

  52. Only my 2 cents here, but I watched you as you spoke of this new found lady and I think I saw in your face that you wanted her to be that “special” woman in your life.  With that said, if she is really what you want, wait for however long it takes.

  53. This game could get too complicated. Read between the lines and see if has any chance for endurance. I believe to get out now and let Miss Right find her way to you would be the best bet. Things should not start out so sticky. You will attract Miss Right if you relax and be yourself and let her do some of the chasing. Women respect that.

  54. 123456j, “flashing the cash” will guanantee you lonliness, as the “company” it buys you is hallow and fake.

    If you’ve been watching Henry’s vid’s, he’s NOT looking for a hooker, he’s looking for a 1% Pinay.

  55. Henry, you have just saved yourself from being ridiculed by the majority of the filipino community; foreign men who are not into exploiting young and poor filipina women are more appreciated here in the Philippines. With Jinky not moving in to live with you, to be tried out, it shows that she still have self-respect.

    1. @prairie mark I suppose I’d have to ask Linda for an English translation?  LA is a very racially diverse place.  The Orange Curtain has been for years now, also.  Perhaps “the kid” drank a little to much Kool-Aid?  

    2. Oh….here it is!  I found it! Linda Lalisan wrote: ” DemocracyDoctor1 tell that to the 100 percent pinays who want to move in the USA. I’ve been telling them that for many years. In los angeles, all minorities except the wealthy. Now billionaire draper eants california divided into six states. In 2004, I had a thai american family visit me from los angeles to mission viejo, do you know what the kid said? I’ve never seen sk many white people in one mm place. Now, irvine, orange county, is 90 percent chinese americans, etc etc. Takex too much space…”

  56. If she wanted you, she’d be with you.  Filipinas will never tell you the truth.  They will always tell you the story they think you want to hear.  Move on.  You’ll eventually find the right girl.

  57. Here is the solution.  Cease calling her. Let her initiate the conversation and/or relationship.  She will let you know by her actions or lack thereof.  Harsh but effective. 

    1. @tom kinsey i won’t disagree with you.  a girl with those parameters sounds like a fine catch.  but here’s my own, personal conflict about it.  once i’ve filtered out certain women (kids, age, attraction, integrity, etc)… when it comes to filtering out women just because they were born poor and couldn’t afford college, i just can’t do it.  maybe later.  but right now, i have a big problem with that as it conflicts with my beliefs against class distinction.  but i do agree with you, college girls (or wealthy older women for that matter) would be a great catch.  but is that what life should boil down to?  what if all men did that?  good, decent poor women would be doomed to their fate.  i know i sound extreme but, just being honest with how i, personally, would struggle with that.

    2. @tom kinsey i’ve ‘kinda’ done that the last day and a half.  hasn’t really helped much.  but this won’t be going on much longer.

    3. One of

      The best advice given to me concerning finding a mate…choose a girl that is minimally 27 y/o and a college graduate.  The rationale is obvious.  The underlying notion is she, after graduation, has had time to gain some career and life experience.  Her family will not be the “prime directive”. Her new family, namely you, will be up most concern.

  58. But before you met her, weren’t you already planning to put the whole relationship circus on the back burner? So you might as well enjoy being single, while she makes up her mind.

  59. I see your getting a lot of flak regarding her age. That is why having (3) 20 year olds in the old bullpens makes 60. Take one of them leaves the two that’s makes 40s giveaway as compliment for the paradise dreamers.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines There’s no excitement and no winning unless the lady is stunning why settle for ordinary when there’s princesses on the islands.

    2. @Jason Wilson yah, but i really can’t expect people who haven’t traveled or open to something beyond their own fence to grasp the reality here and in many other countries.  my goal is not to change their mind, but to share my experience and do what i will do.

  60. Henry or Rikki? Regardless, great videos my friend. I wish I had more time to take three or four weeks to go over and get an idea of what it’s like. I lived in Florida for 30 years and the climate is about the same and I like the heat. I also love to fish and be around the ocean. I’m saving for my trip as of today. Thanks- I feel like I have something to live for here instead of feeling like I am dying a little each day.-James

  61. Henry Please just live your life she’s 20 she does’nt have relationship knowledge much less emotional stability she’s building that now that’s foundational your looking to put the roof on your house if you get my drift try a little older or more experienced

  62. Henry, your video quality in this one is outstanding, it is like its 3D. I hope things work out good for you soon, I know it can be frustrating. good luck and thanks for the great videos. 
    Dave

    1. @David Bowers thanks.  when i shot it i could tell the light was exactly what i needed.. one of those rare moments when there’s just the right amount of clouds for diffusion at the right time of day to get bright, but even lighting.  kinda rare so i like when it happens.  🙂

  63. Henry, keep looking in Dumaguete where u are now. It looks like Jinky is dangling u around while she decides what she wants. 🙂 I’m a Pinay that lives in the U.S.. For many years, I have a good job and married with young adult kids that all finished collge and are independent,

    1. @Tino Tino  i’ve actually come to the same conclusions.  what i decided is that, so long as i am not involved with someone, i would leave the door open for jinky.. i wouldn’t have to disappoint her so long as i was still available.  however, i also came to the conclusion that if i did begin to get serious with someone, i would let jinky know so that she could factor that in, rather than be surprised.   this was over the last week.  as it turns out, i have met someone “of interest” over the weekend.  so now it’s a matter of letting jinky know i’m not an option.  the good news here is that when i last told her that i’d be dating again soon, without blinking she said she was okay with that.  that tells me her issues are first priority, she’s in no rush to get to me anytime soon.   so.. i believe it will all work out for everybody.  even so, i’m glad i took it slow and didn’t just bail on her at the first sign of trouble.

    2. @Belinda Smith i’ve already told her that i will be dating while she works on her issue.  she has no problem with that so, everything is as it should be.  🙂

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